Page 42 of Vicious Hearts

“As a patient?”

I glance at her, unsure how much to tell her. “Yes. But let’s not get into that now.”

“I didn’t know that,” she says. Her eyes betray a certain uneasiness. “You never mentioned it, and no one else told me either.”

“That’s because no one knows the full story. Leo knows a little. I told Pavel Gurin everything, though, and that’s why I never got to train with theSpetsnaz. Not in the weapons division, anyway. I trained with the espionage side, specifically in what they used to callmech razuma—in English, mind sword. They taught me to take control of my problematic personality traits and find a useful application for them, and the rest is history.”

“Problematic?”

I decide to redirect the conversation back to the matter at hand.

“Look.” I crush a capsule with my fingertip, and a colorless liquid spills over my palm. “It’s a powder suspended in liquid. Do you wanna know what I think?”

Roxy nods. “Very much, yes.”

“I think the medication was given to Farraday to induce symptoms of psychosis, not treat them.” I dip my finger in the liquid and sniff before touching my tongue to it.

“Is that sensible?” Roxy asks, wide-eyed.

I smile at her. “No,charodeyka, it isn’t. But I can tell straight away that it’s amphetamine—it smells like it. I was into a few things when I was young and stupid. I’ll be fine.”

“So instead of treating Farraday’s psychosis, someone has been swapping out his medication for something that will make him seem crazy—too crazy to be listened to or believed?”

“It certainly seems that way.”

I put the broken capsule in the trash and the other on the kitchen counter. I wash my hands in the basin, the simple action distracting me and preventing my mind from running a mile a minute.

“How can we find out what’s in these pills?” Roxy asks.

I shrug. “It doesn’t matter. The important thing is that Farraday is better without them. You were right. Someone has a vested interest in keeping him inside, and you were threatening that by supporting him. Now that you’ve backed off, you might be safe.”

“I promised Farraday I’d see this through,” Roxy says, standing up to face me. “He’s an innocent man. And I’m involved now. I won’t quit. ”

“Neither will I.” I go to her, enveloping her in my arms. “Youmightbe safe, and that’s not fucking good enough for me. I’m not gonna back down until I’m certain no harm will come to you.”

“You can never guarantee that,” she whispers. “The world is a dangerous place. You know it.”

“It’s a shithole,” I reply. “Too many sick people, too much corruption. I don’t try to swim against the tide. Justice is a fucking joke.”

“You’re wrong.” She looks up at me. “There’s a lot of ugliness out there, but there’s beauty, too. Goodness, love, faith, hope.”

She’s so much better than me.

Just a good person, right to the marrow of her bones. Her decency and optimism are what drew me to her. She lights me up, makes me forget the things my memory tries to bury. But the anger always finds an outlet, as this sweet woman is now finding out.

“Some people can’t be saved, Rox. They can’t be helped, changed, or transformed into decent human beings by compassion and understanding.”

Roxy glares at me, jutting her chin in that defiant way I’m growing to adore. “I believe it’s worth fighting for what’s right,” she says. “I’d ratherstandfor something than fall for everything.”

I cradle her head against my chest, her blonde hair warm under my chin. We’re quiet for a moment, taking comfort from one another.

Roxy’s phone beeps. She breaks our embrace and picks it up, frowning at the screen.

“It’s Ali, asking if I’m okay. She looks suddenly flustered. “I don’t want to talk to her. She’ll lose her mind if I admit what’s going on. And I need a shower and to look at the case files.”

I take her hand. “Take it easy. As you said, it’s been a shitty day so far. So let’s slow down.”

She sighs, giving me a small smile. “Okay. Shower first.”

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