Page 48 of Four Stepbrothers for Christmas

But as the reality of the situation began to sink in, a knot of anxiety formed in my stomach. Things had changed, the dynamics shifted. This was going to be tough.

“I don’t think I’m ready for this conversation,” I admitted.

The guys nodded.

“We’re ready,” Isaac said. “And don’t forget we’re here for you.”

There was nothing to do but go through it. We left the room together, making our way downstairs.

The warm, rich colors of the living room seemed to intensify as I stepped in, Mom’s familiar space looking different in the wake of everything that had happened. I made my way to her, our shared pain pulling us together, and we clung to each other, our mutual tears mingling.

After a moment that felt suspended in time, my mother took a step back, her face showing the combination of love, concern, and confusion that was so quintessentially her. Sal was there, still and calm, his presence reassuring despite the fact that he was no doubt wrestling with what he’d just learned.

Mikey’s absence was like a black void in the room. Though our confrontation had been harsh, I couldn't shake off the concern for him. His recent actions, the drugs, the anger, they weren't him. Not really. Not the Mikey I grew up with. The weight of worry pressed on my heart.

"Becca," she started, her voice firmer than before, "I need you to sit down and tell me everything. Let's start with your brother."

I nodded, moving to the couch. The four of them - Archer, Luke, Isaac, and Vinnie - seemed to move in silent agreement. Archer and Vinnie sat on either side of me, while Isaac and Luke stood behind the couch, almost like sentinels. I could feel the weight of their nearness, their unspoken support.

I glanced at my mother and saw her exchanging a significant look with Sal filled with understanding, questions, and decisions. Taking a deep breath, my words came out slowly, filled with hesitation but also determination.

"Mom, I know how everything looks. And I can't even begin to express how sorry I am that all of this is coming out this way. Especially about Mikey.” I paused, sucked in a breath, and continued. “He’s been struggling. It's been really hard for both of us since Dad left. He found solace in the wrong places, and it just... spiraled from there. He's been in and out of rehabs, and every time I think he's getting better, he relapses."

Mom appeared shocked. “You’re telling me he’s still using? I thought this was all behind him. Just college stuff he’d grown out of.”

“That’s what I thought, too. I didn’t find out he was still using until a few years ago. And… God, I wanted to tell you, knew I should’ve told you. But every time he managed to convince me to keep it a secret. I guess I figured that if he could put this all behind him then you’d never have to worry.”

Mom said nothing, tears shimmering in her eyes. I felt like scum, like a total liar. But if Mom was mad about Mikey, she didn’t say it. Sal handed her a nearby box of tissues, and she quickly wiped her eyes.

“And you and the boys. What is this?”

I paused for a moment, gathering my thoughts, knowing the next part of the conversation would be even trickier.

"As for the four of them," I gestured toward Archer, Luke, Isaac, and Vinnie, "it's not what you think. Then again, I don’t know what you think. It's a very unusual situation. I know how unconventional and confusing it might sound. And honestly, if you’d told me a few months ago this would be my life, I wouldn’t have believed it.” I laughed quietly, self-deprecatingly. “But somehow, in the midst of the craziness of life, they've become a part of mine. Each of them, in their own unique way, brings something into my life. It’s not about lust or rebellion. It's more profound than that. It's about love, understanding, and support. And before you say anything, I want you to know they've treated me with nothing but respect."

I took another shaky breath, my eyes filling with tears. "I know this isn't easy for you to hear. And believe me, Mom, I wish there was an easier way to explain everything. But I need you to understand that this is my life. These choices, as unconventional as they are, have been made with a lot of thought. I just... I hope, in time, you can come to accept them. And maybe even understand."

There, it was all out. Every uncomfortable truth laid bare. Now it was up to my mom and Sal to process it.

Once I'd finished, a heavy silence draped over us. I could feel the intense emotions filling the room, everyone lost in their thoughts. My heart raced, waiting for a response, for judgment, for something.

Mom broke the silence. "Thank you for being honest," she said softly. But her eyes held a storm of emotions that told me this conversation was far from over. Her face paled slightly, her gaze searching mine for more answers. "Tell me more about your brother." The worry was plainly evident in her voice.

"Okay, Mom," I responded, trying to steady my own voice, but the weight of it all, combined with the recent confrontation, made it challenging. "He's been... it's been bad. Ever since he got involved with the wrong crowd and the drugs, he's been spiraling. Like I said, every time I thought he was finally getting better, he'd relapse. The rehabs... they're expensive, but I thought they were his best shot. So, I've been trying to help him, paying for the facilities as best as I could."

Mom's hand flew to her mouth, her eyes moistening. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to worry you," I confessed, blinking back tears. "You've been through so much, and with you finding happiness with Sal, I didn't want to burden you further."

The silence in the room was deafening. Archer's and Luke's comforting hands were a gentle weight on my legs, grounding me amidst the turbulence of emotions.

"Becca," Isaac's voice broke the silence, "you didn't have to shoulder all of this alone. We would have helped if you'd told us."

I looked up at him, my throat tightening, and managed a small, grateful smile. "Thank you, Isaac. It's just hard to ask for help with something so personal, you know?"

Mom took a moment to process everything, exhaling slowly. "Beck, I wish you'd told me. We could have faced it together. And these guys," she said, gesturing to the four of them, "clearly they care about you."

I nodded. "I know, Mom. It was just hard for me to accept that this was happening to him. That my little brother, who I'd always tried to protect, was falling apart, and there was so little I could do."

---