Page 6 of Vamp

Hardin reached over and placed her hand on my forearm. “We know that, babe. It’s just that when Delilah got married a few months back, you said weddings were the perfect cruising ground. I guess we just expected if you were going to hook up, it would be tonight.”

I gave her a rueful smile and shrugged. “I get it. It’s just that no one’s really been catching my interest. I haven’t really been feeling like myself lately.”

Marin braced her elbow on the cream linen tablecloth and propped her chin in her palm. “How long has that been the case?”

“I don’t know.” I used my fork to push the food around on my plate. I’d gone from so damn hungry I could have gnawed a friend’s arm off to my stomach so knotted I couldn’t imagine putting another bite in my mouth. “Maybe a few months?”

Sloane’s eyes went big. “A few months?” she squeaked.

Just like that, the vibe at our table went from light and teasing to serious in the blink of an eye.

“Why haven’t you said anything to us before now?” Charlotte asked.

I lifted my shoulder in a shrug. “What was I supposed to say? Guys, I went from being all sex positive and getting laid on the regular to feeling like my libido shriveled up and died and I don’t have a clue as to why.”

“Yeah.” Layla nodded vigorously. “Basically.”

“If that’s how you’ve been feeling, then yes,” Hardin added.

Charlotte held up her hands before she spoke. “Now, I’m going to say something, and I want you to hear me out before you jump in to deny it.”

Well a preface like that couldn’t have meant anything good.

“What if... and no interrupting... but what if things have changed for you because you’ve watched all your friends fall in love and there’s something inside you—deepinside you—that maybe kind of wants that for yourself?”

I opened my mouth, a denial on the tip of my tongue. But I couldn’t get the words to come.

“She’s right,” Hardin started hesitantly. “You said it started a few months ago, right? Well, that’s around the time Sloane and Silas made things official and moved in together. Maybe, on a subconscious level, you want something like that too.”

Oh hell. That couldn’t be the case. Could it?

No.No! I refused to accept that the mile-high walls I’d managed to erect around my heart to keep it safe from any more harm had a flaw in their design, letting pesky little things such as feelings through. Not happening. I’d made that mistake once, and I’d learned my lesson.

I scoffed, my face pinching up dramatically as I blew a raspberry past my lips. “It’s like you guys don’t even know me,” I replied.

Fortunately, I was saved from having to argue further when the DJ’s voice came through the speakers, cutting me off. “Ladies and gentlemen. It’s time for the happy couple to make their way to the dance floor for their first dance as husband and wife.”

I twisted around in my seat in order to watch the happy couple make their way toward the dance floor. The smile on my face faltered and the blood in my veins turned to ice as the opening strains of a sweet ballad began filtering through the ballroom. A ballad I knew all too well.

The mistiness that had been missing throughout the entire ceremony hit me like a sledgehammer to the center of my chest as I watched Owen spin Asher wide before pulling her flush to his chest. But it wasn’t the way they were looking at each other like they held the world in their arms as they began to sway to the music that had my chest tightening so hard it felt like my heart was being crushed.

No. The reason I felt on the brink of tears for the first time inyearswas because I knew the song my friends were dancing happily to all too well.

If I closed my eyes and became lost in the past, I could remember the deep, husky voice crooning the classic love song in my ear as we danced around our living room. I could remember his smell, that leather smell with a hint of spice. Like licorice. I could smell the whiskey on his breath from the one drink he’d allow himself at the end of every day. And I could hear the words he’d whispered.

One day we’re gonna be dancing like this to one of my songs, baby. And you’ll know when you hear me singing about the love of my life that it’s you I’m talking about. Only you.

One day never came. We never danced to a song he wrote about loving me. Sure, I’d heard his music. It was impossible not it. Roan Blackwell was one of the most famous country music superstars in America. But he never wrote that love song he’d promised me. I shouldn’t have been surprised. That man had broken every single promise he’d made over the course of our relationship. The biggest one being that he’d love me forever.

The scars I carried on my heart were battle wounds he’d given me that had never healed properly. Wounds I received every time I lost, andgod, I’d lost so much thanks to that man.

No, I wasn’t starting to feel things now that all my friends had settled down with the loves of their lives, because I knew better than to set myself up for that kind of pain again. I’d already met the love of my life in a different lifetime, and he’d ruined me.

I blinked quickly against the burn building behind my eyes. I had cried enough over that man to last a million lifetimes. My heart beat staccato against my sternum as I sucked in a fortifying breath and turned to face my friends.

I pasted a smile on my face that felt stiff and brittle. Clearing the lump from my throat, I said, “I’m going to run to the restroom really fast. I’ll be right back.”

It wasn’t like me to bail in the middle of something as special as the couple’s first dance, but if I didn’t get away from that song and the memories it evoked, I was going to lose it, and I hadn’t lost my iron grip on my emotions in nearly a decade. I wasn’t going to have them slip through my fingers on my friend’s big day and cause a scene.

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