“How long did it go on?” I force myself to ask, even though I feel sick to my stomach.
“Three years.” My eyes bug out of my head at his admission, and he snuggles up to me, still holding my hand. “Yeah. The divorce was finalized six months into our relationship, but he didn’t want to come out, which was his right. It was. I didn’t want to force him into anything.”
I give his hand a little squeeze, hoping to offer comfort. “I know.”
I feel him smiling, even though he’s tucked into my side with my other arm wrapped around him. His head is down, not looking at me. “But after a while, it just got too lonely. I had to watch him bring fake date after fake date to events. And when it got really bad, I found out he’d gone so far as to kiss them to make it convincing.”
“He cheated on you?” My entire body is stiff with rage.
“He claims he needed to. That there were people around, and he needed to make it look real. But it hurt. It hurt so damn bad.”
“Of course it did, baby,” I say, holding him closer to me and kissing his temple. “I’m so sorry. I’d never do that to you.”
Again, I can feel him smiling. “I know you wouldn’t. You don’t seem to care what anyone thinks.”
“I really don’t,” I agree with a smile of my own and kiss his temple again.
“I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him I couldn’t and that we had to break up. He accused me of using him. Said I wanted to use him for the story of a professional football player coming out. He was so mad at me. He said horrible things.”
I pull him up so I’m holding onto his face with both hands and kiss him softly because my heart can’t seem to take it. I hear the pain in his words, and I try my best to ease it with my lips. He kisses me back without any hesitation, his fingers threading through my hair and holding me there.
But we keep the kiss fairly tame because he needs to finish his story.Ineed him to finish his story. I pull back but only slightly and rest my forehead against his. “He was wrong.”
He smiles sadly. “I didn’t want a story. I wanted him.”
“I know, baby,” I say, the endearment totally natural to me as I hold onto his face and press a quick kiss to his lips. “He didn’t want to lose you, but he didn’t want to fight to keep you either.”
He shakes his head sadly. “I couldn’t live like that anymore. I hated it. I didn’t want to be a secret. I was an out and proud gay man. I wanted to live my life that way.”
“You deserved to.”
“I thought he’d understand. I thought he’d care and be sad that we had to end it, but I thought we could be friends.” I feel his shoulders slump. “But he was hateful.”
“I’m sorry, Soren.”
He shakes his head, his forehead rubbing against mine, but he doesn’t pull away. “I thought he loved me.”
I shake my head, too, hating the heartbreak in his voice. “I do.”
He looks shocked, his eyes wide as he pulls back a little to look into my eyes. “Royal...”
“I do,” I say it again firmly. “I really do, Soren, and I don’t care if it’s fast. I do everything fast. I’m a racer, for Christ’s sake.” That gets a small smile, but his eyes also well up with tears. Happy ones, I hope. “I love you.”
A tear falls, and he wipes it away, still staring at me. “I love you too.”
“I don’t want to hide it. No part of me does.”
“I don’t either,” he says sadly, but he’s holding back. “But this isn’t the same as that. There were so many times I thought he was hiding because he was ashamed of me. Maybe I wasn’t good enough. Maybe he didn’t really love me, but with you,”—he wipes another tear—“I don’t feel that way.”
“You’re more than enough,” I say as I lean in and kiss him because I can’t resist. “He’s an idiot.”
That pulls a laugh from him, and I smile into another kiss, one that quickly becomes heated. He’s straddling my lap before I know it. His hands move to my hair as we kiss, not holding anything back.
My cock is hard and aching as he rocks against me on my lap. But then, one of the dogs decides to make their presence known with a couple of yips, and Annie takes off after Molly, who’s scared to death and jumps up on a shelf in the living room, hissing.
Mickey isn’t pleased either and jumps onto a nearby table, hissing at everything.
I start to laugh, and so does Soren as he shakes his head. “Cooper,” he says exasperatedly. “Too many animals.”