Page 59 of Connected By Souls

“No, don’t do that, Em. Don’t second guess what we have. This is all my fault, I should have told you right away, but it’s a long story, and it’s...complicated. I didn’t want to scare you off. I planned on telling you tonight if you would just let me.”

I shake my head. “I need to figure some things out on my own. I’m not strong enough to deal with any of this right now. Please give me time—you owe me that.” I walk back inside.

“I’ll give you this time, Emma, but you will hear me out at some point. I won’t lose you after finally finding you,” I hear him say, his voice breaking. I don’t look back at him because I know my pain will be mirrored in his eyes, and that hurts me to the core. I know he says he has a good reason for not telling me, but the betrayal is too fresh. I’m not ready to hear him out, no matter how good of an excuse he thinks he has. He kept who he really was hidden from me while I poured my soul out to him. It’s going to take time for me to get to a place where I can forgive him and see if I can even trust him again.

I head into the bathroom to get ready and see my reflection staring back at me. My eyes are red and swollen from crying, and my hair is a mess. I get out my brush to try and get through the tangles and realize I’m still wearing Noah’s t-shirt that I put on after my shower. Not being able to stop myself, I lift the tee and take a deep inhale. Noah’s scent fills my senses as I lower myself to the floor and hug my knees. I succumb to the tears once more.

* * *

The next few days,I busy myself with work during the day and write in the early mornings and at night. The stories are coming alive as if I’ve told them many times before. It’s always the same about a little girl named Luna and her golden retriever, Lola. The irony is not lost on me that the one name I’ve always dreamt about for the girl is Noah’s sister’s name or the fact that she has a golden retriever. It’s always been that way in my dreams, and it doesn’t feel right to change it. They go on many adventures and instill beautiful lessons for children as they go. Inspired by the view from my office and my love of the ocean, I’m writing the mermaid one first. I’ve been having fun with it, and in a way, it’s easing some of the ache in my chest. My inner child is learning to come out and play again.

Noah has respected my time, and I haven’t heard or seen him since Monday morning.

I’ve gone through every emotion that I can possibly have, and now I’m just pissed. I’ve almost banged on his door a few times just to yell at him for making me feel this way, but I stop myself knowing that I need to get these feelings under control before we can talk.

I poured my heart out to Skye after work on Monday. Her first reaction was to buy a ticket and come down here to kick Noah’s ass, but her anger quickly turned to concern about me. I had to reassure her many times that I wasn’t going to allow myself to crawl into bed and find solace in the darkness.

We talked for hours and went through every scenario we could come up with as to why he didn’t tell me. In the end, we both decided I needed to hear him out. I owed it to myself, if anything, to know the truth as to why he kept it a secret. In my heart, I know Noah wouldn’t intentionally hurt me, but the bottom line is that he did hurt me, whether it was intentional or not. As soon as I work through this anger, I’ll go to him and listen to what he has to say because, despite everything, I still want him with every fiber of my being. I crave him in dreams at night, waking me with such a deep longing that it pisses me off even more, feeling betrayed by my body. So for the past two days, I’ve been walking around in a horny, pissed-off state of mind. A deadly combination that I need to get under control.

Looking in the bathroom mirror, I sigh. I’ve got dark circles under my eyes, and I’ve lost weight from not being able to stomach anything more than an occasional snack. I comb my hair and try to look like I just haven’t had one of the worst weeks of my life.

It’s Friday night, and Bella and Sophia begged me to come over to their apartment tonight for wine and game night. Not feeling social, I said no at first, but they were very persistent, saying they would come over and drag me out of the house if they had to. I agreed just to get them off my back. I probably could use some girl time, and it may help me dissolve some of this anger.

I’m not sure what Noah has told them. As much as I want to be mad at Sophia and Bella for not telling me the truth, I understand it wasn’t their place to tell. I rummage through my clothes and almost throw some sweats on because of my sour mood but decide to at least look presentable. Fake it until you make it, right? I decide on a cute sundress. I throw a crop jean jacket over it and grab the bottle of wine I’m bringing. I can’t help but glance back at Noah’s house as I pull out of the driveway. The place is dark, and nobody seems to be home. I stop myself from wondering where he is or what he’s doing, determined to at least try and have a good night tonight.

Pulling into their apartment parking lot a little while later, I get my things and knock on the door.

Bella opens it immediately and pulls me into a hug. “You came. I wasn’t sure you would show up.” She pulls back to look at me, worry etching her beautiful face.

Hugging her back, I follow her inside. “I thought about not showing up, butwe will come to your house and drag you if we have to, didn’t sound appealing.”

“Well, it got you here, didn’t it? I’ve been so worried about you.” Getting out three wine glasses, she starts to pour us some wine as Sophia walks in.

“What time are the guys suppose..,” she stops herself mid-sentence when she sees me. “Oh, hi, Emma. I’m so glad you made it,” Sophia says, giving me a hug.

“What time are the guys supposed to what? And what guys?” I ask, looking at both of them. They look at each other, and from the look of their body language, they seem really nervous. “What’s going on here? Spill it.” I put my hands on my hips and glare at them.

Wringing her hands together, Bella looks at Sophia and then back at me. “Don’t be mad, okay? Once a month, we all get together to drink and play cards.”

“Who’s we?” I ask, getting a knot in my stomach.

“Our brothers?” Sophia says, looking guilty.

“Noah and Mav are coming tonight? And why are you guys just telling me this now?” I exclaim, throwing up my arms.

“We knew you wouldn’t come if you knew,” Bella says guiltily. “Noah and Mav don’t even know. We just thought if you guys were in the same room together, you would realize how much you miss him and remember how good you are together.”

“It sounded like a good idea at the time,” mumbles Sophia.

“Emma, he’s been moping around all this week being miserable and moody, and it’s driving me up a wall. He’s so worried you’re going to run before he has a chance to explain.” Bella’s eyes plead with me.

“He should be miserable! How would you guys feel if you trusted someone enough to let them in and they had this huge secret, a whole other identity, that they kept from you? Everyone knew but me, and it’s humiliating,” I cry.

“We’re so sorry, Emma. We shouldn’t have interfered like this, but we truly have the best intentions. You guys are just so good together, and we want you both to be happy. It was a stupid idea,” Sophia says softly.

Bella looking just as upset as Sophia, says, “I know you’re hurting, and I know that him keeping this secret from you felt like a betrayal, but you have to trust me when I say he had a good reason. You’re going to have to hear him out at some point. Whether you decide to stay or not, you deserve to know why he didn’t tell you.”

I let out a big sigh. “I know you’re right, and eventually, I will hear him out, but I’m still too pissed to have a conversation with him right now.” I know I’m being stubborn about this, but I can’t help it. The hurt is still there, and it’s not so easy for me to let it go so soon.

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