Page 63 of Silent Tears

“Somethings can’t be undone.”

Itake a deep, shaky breath as I tighten my grip on the bloody knife. This is the third day I will have carved a word into Daniel’s flesh, the third day of me listening to him beg, scream, and cuss. Once again, I kneel in front of Daniel, and this time, I turn to his left thigh, and slowly carve the letter ‘S’ into his skin. His scream quickly fills the room, the entire fucking house.

Carving each letter of these words into someone else, in a fucked up way, is helping me to accept the letters on my own skin. In a very fucked up way, I feel my power and control over all of this rushing into my veins like a shot of fucking dope. This is how addicts must feel when they get their fix. Carving into Daniel’s skin allows me to come to terms with what has happened to me. Will I ever fucking fully heal from what has been done?

Honestly, I don’t know, but I know for a fucking fact that after this, I will be able to live with what has been done to me. I will use what those men did to help me become stronger. All those fucking men, Sebastian, what he fucking did to me every God damn day was all intended to fucking break me, to make me their slave, and towards the end, I almost gave them exactly what they fucking wanted. But I am not a fucking sex doll, or a sex slave, or a motherfucking puppet. I am strong. I can do this. I can fucking inflict a little bit of pain to show Daniel a small piece of what I went through for three fucking years of my life.

“Nicole, what the fuck, your my daughter,” Daniel says through the screams. For a man that loves power and loves control, he has to be going fucking nuts inside. I used to think this man sitting here, fucking bleeding, in front of me was so fucking strong. But now, listening to his words, screams, and cussing, he is not fucking strong. He is a fucking coward.

I continue to press the knife into his skin as his words echo over and over again inside my head. I am his daughter. I am his daughter, the daughter he threw away like trash. The daughter he never looked for—the daughter he gave to a man who owned a sex house.

“I am no longer your daughter,” I say softly as I concentrate on carving into his thigh. He tries to move his leg away from me, but it isn’t going to work; it is just causing me to cut even deeper into his fucking flesh.

“You need to listen to your father and fucking stop this right now,” he snaps at me as if his words would fucking make me stop. If anything, it makes me want to fucking cut him more, and not just on his thighs.

“I don’t listen to you anymore,” I say calmly as I continue to cut. I will not give him the reaction he wants. I will not give him the words he wants. He doesn’t fucking deserve anything from me but pain and death.

“Nicole!” He screams as I finish the ‘T’ and slowly stand up. Christian wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against him, but this time, he doesn’t guide me away from Daniel. We both stare at Daniel as his eyes go from Christian to me.

Christian rests his chin on my shoulder, a gesture I have fallen in love with. I take a deep, shaky breath as I tighten my grip on the knife.

I look into Daniel’s eyes and again see his hate for me, for my husband. I was so fucking stupid. Now my eyes have been opened, and I see him for what he truly is, a fucking selfish bastard.

64

Christian

None of this is as easy as I thought it would be, and honestly, I don’t fucking know why I thought it would be. I knew who I was, or at least I thought I did. A fucking monster, a monster my father created, a monster I allowed him to create, and I have since embraced with fucking open arms. Things are different now that I have Nicole, and part of me just wants to kill her fucking father for what he has done and leave and take Nicole as far from here as I can fucking get her.

I know she needs to do this for her to start healing, really fucking healing. She has to do this her way, and I will be right by her side. She needs to know that I am by her side and will not leave. I will show her that I will be by her side through anything and everything. Even this, I thought by taking his fingers that I would feel some kind of healing for myself, but it hasn’t done shit, and I shouldn’t be surprised.

I know why it isn’t helping. It’s because I know she is still in pain. I can see it in her eyes, her body language. All of it is radiating off of her in waves, and all I want to do is fucking take it away from her. But I know I can’t. I know that nothing I do will take away what she is feeling right now.

The only person who can help her right now is herself, and I will help her with her revenge. Whatever she wants is hers. Whatever she needs to do, I will make sure it fucking happens. She has nothing to worry about because I will make sure that everything is taken care of.

I thought bringing her here was a bad idea at first, but now I see her, really fucking see her. She needs this more than anything else. She needs to allow herself to give in to her darkness. It is the only way for people like us to survive. There is no way for us to run from who we are. The only thing we can do is give in to what is inside us. She will not be alone, and I will help her through this.

Her father has done horrible things, probably more than we know. But at the end of the day, the man is still her father. I know, I fucking know that her doing this to him is fucking hurting her because she is a good, kind person. Even after everything she has been through, she has a fucking heart. She is not heartless and cold.

I might be the King, but she is my Queen, and she is the one person in my life that I would do anything for, even this.

Giving my power away is not fucking easy, but for her, it is natural. She needs to know that she is in control. For so long, those fucking men, her father, and Sebastian took her fucking choices from her, and now it is time for her to remember that she will always have a fucking choice with me.

65

Nicole

Day 4 - Puppet

“The words don’t make the person.”

DIRTY.

WHORE.

SLUT.

PUPPET.

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