Page 18 of Before Forever

His words felt like a bunch of tiny bee stings on my heart. Was it so obvious? I guess it was, and it’s not like I could say it wasn’t true. I was so torn up about my mistake of not coming here sooner with my mom, and now I was just trying to run off as quick as I could and make the same mistake all over again.

But my mom wasn’t here anymore. All that was left for me here was a lot of regrets and a big empty old house that seemed to make my recent string of bad luck even worse.

I knew I didn’t owe some stranger an explanation. None of that was Derek’s business, but that stinging feeling. It was more than just my own guilt. I felt this annoying uneasiness about how he saw me, what he thought of me.

As I fumbled over what to say back to him, the phone dinged with a message in my hands. I assumed it was another work message, but a quick glance proved me wrong. Evan was back at it again. He wasn’t giving up.

Evan: Melody, please talk to me. I really do miss you. I love you.

My chest seized up with the sight of those words…I love you. That was taking it too far.

“Yeah, Iamin a hurry to get back to New York. My fiance is waiting for me there,” I blurted in a defensive huff.

I couldn’t believe those words had just slipped out of my mouth. I had to bite back the immediate urge to correct myself…to keep going and explain that he wasn’t exactly my fiancé or my boyfriend at all anymore. But he did want me back, and maybe…

No, I decided to let my lie hang there. Maybe this guy would give me a break now. A fiancé might be a sufficient reason why I couldn’t just abandon my whole life back home to oversee an entire house being renovated.

I studied his face carefully and was surprised to notice what looked like a wave of disappointment. Why would he care if I was engaged or not? Or maybe it was such a good lie that he realized I had every reason to want to rush back, and no one could blame me for it. Perhaps the disappointment I saw was about losing the job working on my mom’s house and didn’t have anything to do with me.

“Ah, I see,” he grumbled, shaking his head in understanding. “Well, if you want some recommendations on outside companies to hire, I’d be happy to give you some. I’d hate to see you get swindled. Unfortunately, when you call in strangers who know you’re not going to be here to oversee the work the whole time…they see it as a chance to take advantage of you…to make a bunch of money for shoddy work.” He stopped and looked around the house again. “It’d be a shame to see such a beautiful old house get torn up by a bunch of greedy assholes.”

His honesty and sincere concern for the house struck a chord in me. It was unexpected and a little endearing…even if it was surprising.

“Um, sure. I’d appreciate that.” I walked over to a desk in the corner where I had seen a pen and paper in the drawer.

I sat them both on top of the desk, prompting him to come over and write down his recommendations.

When he bent over the notepad and started writing, I didn’t move. I stood there too long before realizing my body was dangerously close to his. He was too busy staring at the paper to notice, but I could feel chills across my skin from getting a closer glimpse at those big muscles straining against his shirt. And the scent of his cologne, pine and mint mixed with the lingering smell of wood and the outdoors.

This man, whose hair literally smelled like sunshine somehow, conjured up too many confusing feelings. My mind drifted back to my morning on the porch. Everything I was starting to realize about some of life’s biggest quandaries, time and how you spend it, my job, my inability to relax. I never slowed down and never sat still, and certainly never took time off until now when I was forced to.

Damn self-reflection time. This was exactly why I hated it. Now I could see everything bubbling beneath the surface that might be wrong with my life, when I would never have had time to notice it before.

I hated how that made me feel like every ounce of control I thought I had over my life and the things around me were all a big lie. It felt like everything I had left was slipping through my fingers.

And now I had to go back to work while worrying about this old lake house and how a whole crew of men I didn’t know might sweep in and mess it all up, with no one here to hold them accountable.

“I can stop in from time to time and check on the place if you want,” Derek offered as he sat down the pen and ripped off his notes to hand to me. “I might not be able to do much, but I could at least give you a call to let you know about any glaring problems.”

Again, I was taken back by his kindness, how he really seemed to care. “That would be really nice,” I said softly, nodding.

We were just as close as before, but now he was standing up straight, towering over me with his blue eyes burning straight into mine. I found it hard to breathe or swallow, but maybe that wasn’t entirely him. I was also in the middle of panicking about the house. I could feel a stupid, impulsive decision banging around inside of me, and I had a feeling it was about to explode out into being.

He tipped his hat and said in that deep sexy rasp of his, “Well, safe travels back to New York, and I guess…,” he thought better of what he was about to say next and added instead, “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too,” I managed to say, despite my inability to catch my breath.

He was halfway to the door by the time I shouted, “Wait! Just hold on a minute.” My heart pounded. I crossed the room to be near him again, but also just to try and wrap my head around what I was about to do.

“I think I should stay,” I blurted, my chest heaving up and down. “Do you have the paperwork with you? I can sign off on the estimate now.”

His brows puckered, shocked by my sudden change of heart. I was too.

“They’re out in my truck,” he pointed towards the door. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, please. Go get them now so I can sign before I change my mind.”

And I did just that. The moment he returned with the contracts, I scribbled my name down on the dotted lines as fast as I could. I sucked in a deep breath when I was done, letting the weight of my decision sink in.

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