“I should go,” she whispered against my lips.
“Why do you always have to do that?”
“Do what?”
“Flee the scene of the crime,” I smirked. “Come on, Lana. The old you wasn’t afraid of anything. Live a little. Be dangerous.”
“I already slept with my business partner,” she snipped. “I think I’ve been dangerous enough. The next few weeks are going to be hard. This might be one of the most difficult things either of us has ever pulled off, and we already have a history of not working well together under stress and pressure. Forgive me if I don’t want to complicate things even more than we already have.”
“I hear you,” I nodded. “But I guess what I’m struggling with is…when we’re sitting here like this…just you and me…it really doesn’t feel so complicated.”
A shaky breath seeped through her lips, and a frightened look gleamed in her eyes. “What do you want, Keith?”
“You,” I answered honestly. “But I think we both already knew that. The real question is…what do you want, Lana?”
Her brows drew together, but she didn’t say anything. She finished her beer, then slowly stood and walked off into the night.
Maybe I was crazy for thinking I’d ever really get through to her and win her over. Hell, maybe Derek was right, and if I ever did accomplish that seemingly impossible feat, I would still just find some way to screw it all up.
But the only thing that felt more impossible than trying to break down her walls…was to stop trying. I couldn’t seem to bring myself to do that. She had seeped into me, burrowing deep under my skin. There was no changing that, and as long as that was the case…I was going to keep fighting to change her mind about me.
18
LANA
Every inch of my skin was teeming with dissatisfaction and longing. The deep purr of Keith’s voice lingered in my ears, and it felt like his plump lips were still just inches away—so close to touching mine again. The feeling of his closeness haunted me throughout the night, making it hard to sleep. I woke up in a sweat, aching for something I was determined not to want.
It really doesn’t feel so complicated.
The words played over and over again, stinging me deeper each time. They infuriated me…because they were true. I had a laundry list of reasons why sleeping with Keith in the first place was flirting with disaster, and an even longer list to prove why crossing that line again, even for a second, would be signing up for certain doom.
And yet…when we sat there alone in the dark, looking into each other’s eyes, I didn’t give a damn about any of those lists of reasons. All I wanted was his lips on mine, his skin pressed up against me, and to be wrapped up and lost in the warmth of his body all over again.
Once again, I climbed out of bed filled with frustrations and tried to shake it all off to start the day. I was feeling more restless than ever as I impulsively followed my gut, grabbing a t-shirt, shorts, sports bra, and sneakers from the closet. I set off to get out of the house so fast, that I nearly missed Claire sitting in the kitchen.
“Where are you going off to so fast? I made us breakfast.”
My heart dropped when I saw the plates of eggs, bacon, and toast sitting on the table. She was sitting patiently in front of her own next to one that was intended for me.
“Oh…sorry,” I hesitated, pulling my hair up into a ponytail. “Do you mind if I take a rain check? I don’t have much of an appetite this morning, and I was thinking of going for a run. But maybe we could have dinner tonight? I’ll cook.”
“I’ll pass on your cooking,” she laughed. “No worries. I’m in the opposite boat this morning. I’m starving, so this just means more for me.”
“I really am sorry, Claire,” I offered. “Maybe I could…”
“Stop! Please. Don’t pity me. It’s really no big deal. Go for your run, and we’ll catch each other later.”
“Okay,” I said, but my guilt persisted. “I’m just all out of sorts today. I’m stressed out and…I just need to blow off some steam.”
“I understand. Really.” Her brow furrowed with concern. “Is everything okay? Do you want to talk about it?”
I stood there for a moment, thinking how easy it would be to just tell her everything. Maybe I would feel better if I could just talk through it all out loud. I would hear how ridiculous it sounded to be having these feelings for Keith, and I would be cured.
But I couldn’t bring myself to speak of it. Not to her. Not with everything she had going on in her own life.
“No, I’m fine,” I insisted, forcing a smile. “Let me know if you change your mind about me cooking tonight. After all, you know when I say I’m going to cook…I really just mean I’m going to order takeout.”
“Ooooh, maybe some fried chicken? I’ve had a craving lately.”