Page 22 of Until Forever

Her brows furrowed. “If the boxes you’re referring to are fidelity, then no, it’s not crazy. Just selfish, if you ask me.”

“Of course, I’m not talking about fidelity,” I defended. “What’s the point of committing to someone if you only do it half way? That’s not what I mean at all. I meant…what if you could have a wife and a home without the picket fence and everything else that comes along with it, you know? I don’t know how to explain it. I guess I just want something more than that, kind of like you knew you wanted more from life. You were lucky enough to have a clear vision of what that looked like, but I don’t think I do. I guess it’s just a feeling, and I’ll know it when I find it. Maybe that’s why it hasn’t happened yet, though. Because I don’t really know what I want.”

I was starting to feel like a chick, rambling on about feelings and fantasies. I shifted in my discomfort, and a silence seemed to hang between us for an eternity after I blurted all of that out.

“No, I think I get it,” she said finally. “You can have love without all of the outdated traditions and typical rural, small-town family home. At least, I’d like to think you can. A relationship with adventure and fun and…”

“Passion,” I added.

I lost myself in the dreamy look in her icy blue eyes. They were just as deep, stormy, and full of life as the ocean waves she loved so much.

“Yeah,” she murmured softly. “Passion.”

As we stared into each other’s eyes, it wasn’t just our bodies that were drifting closer together, seemingly all on their own. Now, it was our lips. I thought I might have been imagining it, but her intense eyes fluttered shut, and I knew it was now or never.

I really never thought Derek could have been right, or that I ever stood a chance with her. But she was the hottest woman I had ever known, both inside and out. If she was going to let me kiss her, I wasn’t going to miss the chance.

I lifted my hand to stroke her cheek, but I only made it halfway through the air before she jerked back. Her eyes popped open wide, and she looked confused, like she was waking up from a dream.

“I’m sorry, I…” She jumped up to her feet. “I should get back home to check on Claire. Uh, thanks for the beer, and…I’ll see you later.”

I was disappointed, but not surprised, as I watched her bolt out of there like she was running from a den of snakes she had just stumbled upon. She didn’t look back once and took the long walk all the way back to her car. I sat there stupefied for a moment, then looked over to the two kayaks on the shore.

“I guess I’ll be getting those back on my own,” I grumbled to myself. I was not about to go ask for Derek’s help and be forced to explain what just happened—even though it was kind of tempting to want to gloat about how right I was.

Lana would never go for me. I knew it in high school, and not a thing had changed since then.

10

LANA

I fled from Keith and the lake like I was running from a crime scene, then drove home in a zombified state. My heart was thumping rapidly in my chest, but my mind was like glue. I couldn’t even begin to process what just happened…or what almost happened.

I was surprised to be greeted with the sweet smell of baked sugar when I walked into the door. It was some small comfort, at least against everything I was trying not to think about. But what was it, and where was it coming from? Common sense led me into the kitchen first.

Claire lit up with a smile when she saw me. She was sitting in her wheelchair near the oven with an apron draped over her lap. I smiled in return, but it faded slightly when I noticed Mrs. Hawkins standing in the corner. I was in no mood to be around anyone but Claire.

“Hey!” Claire beamed. “I’m just helping Mrs. Hawkins bake some cookies. Don’t they smell good?”

“Delicious,” I replied.

“Oh, nonsense,” Mrs. Hawkins waved her off. “You’re baking the cookies all by yourself. I’m just keeping you company. I haven’t done a thing to help.”

Claire tilted her head. “Except mix the ingredients and roll the dough. Some of the most important parts.”

“Only because you can’t stand on your feet long enough to reach the countertops yet. But you told me what to do every step of the way, and you won’t even need me or anyone here before long.”

“Speaking of which,” I interjected. “Your physical therapy appointment is tomorrow afternoon. Do you want me to take you, or does Chris have it covered?”

She dropped her eyes, looking ashamed and embarrassed. “Actually, um, would you mind taking me? I mean, Chris offered, and he could, of course. But…money is tight these days, you know? I told him it was better for him not to miss work.”

I could see straight through her sweet smile. I knew she was lying because it was too painful to admit he had some lame excuse for not taking her himself. Not that I minded. The way I saw it, I was fine with Chris digging his own grave and it eventually just being Claire and me. But that didn’t involve a failed marriage for me, and it did for Claire. So, the implications of that were obviously much bigger for her.

“Sure, no problem,” I told her. “You know I’m happy to take you, but I don’t want to hog you. Though I would be terribly disappointed to miss our usual lunch date after the appointment.”

“Which hopefully can soon include cocktails again,” she quipped, crossing her fingers in the air.

“I’ll leave you two ladies be,” Mrs. Hawkins announced in her shakey old voice as she started hobbling towards the front door. “I’ve got to go let my dog out. Unless you need me for anything else?”

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