Page 17 of Save Her from Me

My friends had brought the fun to me, considering I couldn’t go out to find it myself. I’d told them I’d had a bad first kiss, and they’d been swapping outrageous first-date stories. Anything was better than dwelling on whoever had hit my car.

I’d had a message from the police saying they’d dusted for prints and found nothing other than mine, which they’d ruled out because they were all over the Mini. They recorded the incident as a hit-and-run, not a robbery as nothing was missing that I could remember, and informed me that I could now do what I liked with my car.

If anything, I didn’t want the Mini back yet. It had been my lifeline. Without it, I had a killer hike up the mountain to work. It was also a fluttering flag, indicating my whereabouts to whoever had hit it. I didn’t want the safety of my home to be compromised.

“Okay, okay, my turn,” giggled Effie from her sprawl on the rug. Against her black jeans and a simple black halterneck, her blue tattoos stood out down her arm. She was so pretty.

“I’m switching to chat-up lines because this one kills me. Let me lay out the scene,” she began, in her slightly cocky Scottish brogue. “I was rock climbing and halfway up a cliff face. It was a new location for me, and I’d gone solo to scout it out as a potential jump site. But the weather changed, and hail started battering the rocks, zinging off my helmet and trying its best to bruise me. So naturally, and because I don’t have a death wish, I paused, debating whether to finish the climb and abseil, or just descend. Another climber appeared to my left and stopped. I gave him a little wave, assuming he was thinking the same. Weighing up the is-it-worth-it odds. I was nineteen and used to the adrenaline junkie alpha bros, but this guy took the biscuit. He dead-ass looked me in the eye and, instead of making any reference to the sport or the conditions, said, ‘Were ye born on a farm? Because ye know how to raise a good cock.’ Then the dude just kept on climbing.”

A peal of laughter came from Daisy, echoed by the other women.

I clutched my stomach in silent mirth. “He didn’t even wait for a rejection?”

“Nope! And in there is a lesson. Some guys, no matter the circumstances, will only see women as a potential conquest. Ye could be the expert in the room, or tasked with saving their life, or in my case hanging from a rope hundreds of metres above the ground, and they can’t help but make it known that their shrivelled sausage is available.” She put on a deep voice. “Just fall this way, madam, legs open, I’ll do the rest.”

I dropped my head back. “I’ve heard some pretty average chat-up lines, but that one wins.”

“Wait up,” said Rory. She’d settled here from the US and had a son with her husband, Maddock. “I have one that could beat it. I was in a store, I mean a supermarket, when a guy sidled up to me and asked if I worked in Subway.”

Someone groaned like they already knew the cheesy line.

Rory continued. “I didn’t immediately answer because I assumed he’d just mistaken me for someone else. That illusion was ruined two seconds later when he grabbed his unimpressive crotch and said, ‘cos I’ve got a foot long, just for you.’ Then he winked and walked away.” She gave a snort of disbelief, waiting out our laughter. “Seriously, who does that? I don’t generally feel sorry for average men, but can you imagine constantly feeling the need to offer your man meat to strangers?”

“Man meat? Ew. That’s worse than shrivelled sausage. Here’s one,” Daisy said. “I Googled it because no one ever tried a line on me, but it’s kinda cute, ‘I’ve lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?’”

I shook my head. “Pretty sure I’d want to stab any man who came up to me and said that. How any of you found a good guy amongst all those waiting dicks is beyond me.”

“Is that what ye want? A boyfriend?” Effie asked.

I hugged a cushion, remembering the feel of Jackson’s lips. He hadn’t been like the men with their cheesy lines. Zero want shown beyond the fever of the split second he’d kissed me back. “Maybe.”

“That’s new.”

“Will this be your first boyfriend?” Cait asked carefully, her Scottish accent gentler than Effie’s. She was a beautiful fair-haired mother of three who’d married the head of the mountain rescue service. Recently, she’d chopped her hair into a chin-length bob, and it suited her so much.

My cheeks warmed. “Yep. I’ve never done anything. Which I know sounds weird on my twentieth birthday.”

“No, it doesn’t. Not at all,” she said firmly. “I was never interested in sex or relationships until I met Lochie at age twenty-three. There’s nothing wrong with waiting until you’re ready, just as there’s no shame in playing the field.”

My best friend poked me with her toe. “She’s right, and you’re not missing out on much based on my teenage experiences. Men over boys every day of the week.”

“Same. A grown-up hunt will be much more fun,” Casey chimed in. Another American, she was married to two Scotsmen, one being Effie’s brother, and the other the son of the man who owned the castle we were in, so she was family. “I found two so they’re out there, hidden among all the rabid one-eyed trouser snakes.”

“Rabid what?” I lost it for a moment. My happiness turned into a sigh. Already, I was disillusioned with the idea of dating before I’d even started. Fear of disappointment in what I’d find mixed with a belief I’d held since childhood that most men were a waste of good oxygen.

My father had created that view, and probably Larson and other boys at school who thought sexual assault a normal Friday afternoon. I didn’t believe it now, but I still had defences a mile wide.

“What if I’m overthinking this?” I mused. “I just want to not be a virgin anymore. To feel and not restrict myself, you know?”

Everyone made sounds of agreement.

Daisy tilted her head. “What if you found a safe person to try out sex with?”

I pursed my lips, considering it. “Intriguing.”

“I did that exact thing,” confessed Cait, her pale cheeks bright red, though that could have been the alcohol. “Just between us, before we were a couple, I offered Lochie a no-strings-attached deal.”

Effie sniggered. “Bet he leapt on that.”

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