Page 98 of The Woman on the Jury

“And?”

“And seems like when they’re living with you, and you’re fucking them, shit gets complicated. Feelings-wise.”

“Feelings,” I repeated, the word sounding foreign on my lips.

“Yeah,” Silvano said with a little huff of laughter. “Know your old man fucked you up,” he said. “But you’re not a fucking kid anymore. You don’t gotta act like he trained you to act. Actually, seems like maybe it’d be the ultimateFuck youto him if you stopped acting like he trained you to,” Silvano said, parking the car, then cutting the engine.

I climbed out with my head spinning.

Because, fuck, he was right.

It wasn’t enough that I didn’t abuse women and children like he had. I needed to undo the other shit he’d done to me. The coldness, the detachment. The inability to let anyone get close to me.

My mind played the night before back, trying to see it through Halle’s eyes, something I wasn’t sure I’d ever really attempted to do before.

And there I was.

Dropping her hand.

Turning her away to create distance.

Not even letting the sweat dry before climbing off the bed.

Then leaving her alone.

I wouldn’t pretend to know exactly what women wanted, but I’d seen enough of the healthy relationships in my Family to know that the men and women were affectionate with each other. Casual touches. Embracing. Stolen kisses when they thought no one was looking.

And there I’d left Halle.

Fucked.

And… discarded.

Because there was no way she could have known the conflict I’d been feeling inside, the knee-jerk need to get away from it, to detach from it. Fromher. From my growing feelings toward her.

“Fuck,” I hissed as I turned to look at the shop, finding it still dark, still gated.

It was a long shot.

She might have been reckless enough to lose her guards, but I didn’t believe she was foolish enough to just open her business, all but putting a Welcome sign up for the brothers to find and attack her. Do vile shit to her.

On a growl, I moved toward the door that led up to the apartments, tearing up at them two at a time, hearing Silvano, Miko, Joe, and Tony rushing up behind me.

“Halle?” I called, knocking on her door. “Halle, open the door,” I demanded, then turned, ready to shoulder it open.

“Let’s not give the neighbors a reason to call the police, huh, Boss?” Miko asked, grabbing my shoulder, and moving me out of the way.

He reached into his pocket for a lock pick set, and made short work of the lock.

He moved aside, letting me rush in first.

To find… nothing.

Nothing but the sad, dark little apartment I’d seen before.

“Fuck!” I snapped, swinging out an arm, and sending a book flying off of her kitchen counter. “Damnit,” I growled at myself, stooping to grab the book, and putting it back to place.

I wasn’t going to fucking lash out.

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