Page 3 of Rules Of Our Own

He constantly complained I didn’t prioritize him enough, and I couldn’t even deny it. I’m not going to just give up my work because my boyfriend can’t handle it.

Pretty sure he thought I’d cave eventually because after a year, he dumped me, calling me selfish.

Our breakup should’ve hurt, but the truth is…it didn’t. Which is why when he flipped his script and started telling me he was sorry and we were meant to be together, I ignored him.

At the time, his texts came through every five minutes. They started withI love youandI’m sorry, then rapidly transformed into calling me a selfish bitch who wasted a year of his life. The trickle of guilt that I’d used him as a placeholder is the only reason he’s not blocked. He was someone to fill the empty space in my life where a relationship should be. But I never gave him my heart. Not really.

Not when I’d made that mistake three years ago.

Me: No. I think he finally got the hint.

Sidney: He better have. Pretty sure Jax is ready to murder him.

Piper: Yeah, Lucas too.

Me: Well, no murder necessary.

I grab my backpack from the floor and drop it on the chair beside me, waiting for the next message to come through.

Sidney: Alex and River flew in this afternoon. *winky face emoji*

A jolt flares in my chest. I don’t know how I’m going to feel seeing them again, but if it’s anything like the anticipation, I might actually explode. Nervous energy skates under my skin. I haven’t let myself so much as think of them since I graduated from university three years ago. Anything more than that has me spiraling into things I wish could’ve been.

It only took one semester for my every thought to revolve around Alex and River. I’d fall asleep to good-night texts and wake up to good-morning messages. I didn’t know it was possible for a person to consume your life that fast, let alone two of them.

At some point, our friendship shifted, and I swear you could cut the tension between us with a freaking knife. It all felt new, and fun, and meant to be. Until it didn’t.

That last night at the bar haunts me. We were at the club, dancing, and things finally started to click into place. Alex grabbed my hips, and I caught my breath when he leaned down, and his mouth began to descend to mine. Time slowed, with each ticking millisecond bringing him closer.

I closed my eyes, ready to finally feel him against me, but his warmth disappeared. When I opened them, Alex was on the ground, holding his face, and River was standing next to me, fist clenched at his side.

I knew there was no way I could choose, and I refused to come between them. So, even though it felt like I was ripping my own heart out, I ghosted them both and didn’t look back.

Me: So?

Piper: So you haven’t spoken with them since university.

Sidney: Don’t even pretend like things didn’t turn south. You three were inseparable, then one day you were crying in your bedroom.

Of course she heard that.I’m not ready to get into it. Not when so much of it still feels like an open wound.

Me: It was university. We were practically kids. Plus, we never even kissed. Just friends and all that.

Piper: Keep telling yourself that.

We really were just friends. That’s all I let us be. My eyes burn, and I fight against the memories. They’d balanced each other perfectly. Alex made me happier, lighter when I was too harsh on myself, and River knew when to sit back and just let me work through it. He offered the steady support I needed. Sometimes things are stressful. Hard. That doesn’t mean I needed to give up. Unlike Jason, River understood that.

I change the subject, and I’m grateful when they let me.

Me: Love you two. I can’t believe you’re getting married.

Piper: Believe it!

I turn off my phone and pull out my laptop, determined not to waste a single second of this delay. As much as it kills me, I know there’s no way I’m getting anything done once I get to Napa. Piper and Lucas are the closest thing I’ve seen to real-life soulmates, except maybe Jax and Sidney. There’s no doubt in my mind this is a once-in-a-lifetime moment to support her.

See? Not selfish.

I ignore the small part of me that’s relieved that getting in so late means I won’t have to face Alex and River tonight after all.

---