Page 66 of Silver Fake

"But you are going to fight this, right?" John sounds panicked.

She nods, Bill puts his arm around her shoulders, and she immediately leans into him. "I'm going to do my best, honey."

He nods. "Good," he says softly.

"You'll both be here tomorrow?" Bill asks.

John is just staring ahead, so I answer. "Yes."

"Maybe we can meet for breakfast or lunch? Right now, I think Nancy has had enough action for one day."

"I am quite tired," she says.

"Oh, of course," I say.

Nancy looks at John again. "Try to get some rest tonight, honey. We can talk more tomorrow if you have more questions, but staying up all night worrying will not change anything."

He nods slowly. "Okay, mom."

Bill helps Nancy from the table, and John and I stand, too. We both hug them, but watching John, it's obvious he's just going through the motions. His mind is stuck on the word cancer. It's all over his face, several shades paler than normal.

"Come on," I say, putting my arm around him. "Let's go to bed."

He nods silently and walks with me.

He's quiet all the way up to the room, and even once we're inside, he doesn't say a word and just stares at the floor.

I take his hand and lead him toward the bed. Then I begin removing his clothes, undressing him down to his boxers. His eyes finally meet mine, and the tears start flowing down his face.

Neither of us says a word.

I hold his face between my hands and give him a soft kiss I hope helps him feel everything I'm feeling for him right now. My heart is breaking for him, and I still know it's nothing compared to his pain.

I pull back the blankets and gently urge him to get in. I don't want to break the silence because he needs this time to let it all out, and I just want to be here to take care of him while he lets his emotions take over. Once he's in the bed, I quickly pull my dress off and drop it to the floor, then I cut the lights and crawl in bed beside him. Wrapping my arms around him, I pull his head onto my chest.

He's shaking with his tears, and in the quiet dark, I just hold him tighter and kiss the top of his head, ignoring the tears I feel streaming down the sides of my cheeks because he's what matters now. He needs me. I don't know what this will mean for us, him, or his family. But I do know I can't leave him in any way now or in the near future, and I don't want to.

First thing Monday, I'm turning down that job with Victor. Then I'm going to do whatever I can to make things better and do as Nancy wanted for John, and try to help him focus on what we can control and just live our lives one day at a time, trying to help him focus on the good things.

I don't know how long he cries against my chest, but it's late before I feel his breathing start to even out. Still, I don't let him go. I'm not sure I ever want to.

I kiss his head in the dark and whisper, "It's going to be okay, love. I'm going to be right here as long as you need." He may not be able to hear me, but I mean every word. Whatever happens next with him or his mom, I plan to be by his side as long as he keeps me.

CHAPTER22

John

I'min the firm's big conference room on the top floor, and it is the last place I want to be.

Normally, I'd be all about strategy and going for the best possible win for our clients. I like winning for my clients. After all, nobody becomes a lawyer because they are okay with losing. But today, I don't care.

None of it matters.

My mind is on the other side of Houston with my mom. Wondering how much it hurts to have a port installed for her chemo treatments, and how sick those treatments are going to make her feel later today or in the coming days and weeks.

Victor, noticing my far-off gaze, leans in my direction, breaking me from my reverie. "John," he prompts, "the Mckennan file. Do you have it ready?"

I blink at him, processing the question. "Uh, yes," I reply, more out of automation than actual awareness. "It's right here," I mumble, gesturing vaguely towards the stack of papers next to me. My answer seems to satisfy Victor, for now. But even as the conversation moves on, my focus doesn't.

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