Page 57 of My Mafia Queen

A swirl of fast, intense living had swept me away and didn’t allow me to think much about that young boy.

Sometimes, we purposely do it.

Living wildly so we can forget.

For me, it wasn’t a choice.

That was my life.

I didn’t question it much, although I knew that memory was still with me.

It’s not like I haven’t felt responsible for someone else.

I’m always responsible. I run an enterprise.

People depend on me.

Some people risk their lives for me.

And some lose them, and I need to take care of their families.

That’s our life.

And then, some people pay with their lives if they have wronged me, and that’s a different story.

There’s a lot of responsibility in making that decision, too, although it looks like acting on an impulse despite being a necessity most of the time.

Other times, it's an act of self-defense.

So, feeling responsible is part of my life. But protecting someone is different.

My protection in the organization comes with a price, and it doesn’t last forever.

There’s no emotional attachment to it, either.

I don’t care much about anything.

It’s part of keeping my head straight and not being vulnerable.

But this is different.

She’s never asked me to do it.

Although I’ve done it for her, and she looked for it in the past.

But something about her appeals to me.

It’s that old story that never wanted to stick with me. The things that I once felt as a young boy. It’s probably more than that, but I can’t entirely figure it out.

It may be that the good man in me is still alive somehow, and it comes to life because of her.

Does being attracted to her have to do with this?

Sure. I can’t deny it.

Besides, once I put my finger on her, she's mine.

There is no question about it.

---