Page 28 of More Than I Can Bear

Our muzzle pushed into her hand as she touched our fur. She snatched her hand back for a second, then went back for more when we didn’t bite or growl. This wasn’t the woman I wanted touching me in bear form, but I’d deal with it anyway, to clear the air. The need to make amends was riding me hard, but part of me was sure this was just another fuck up. Everything I’d done since the day I’d met Freya was wrong, wrong, wrong. The bear was starting to shift restlessly, in tune with my mood, then Jack spoke.

“Fuck, I thought you were in the closet and not wanting anyone to know and…” She let out a nervous laugh. “And you are in a way. Not the kind of bear that has a hairy chest and struts around in little bits of leather, but a real one. Jesus, Adam, does Freya know?”

That question was the thing that allowed me to come back to skin. The bear couldn’t answer in this form and somehow he knew it was an important one. The bear receded and I pushed forward, hastily grabbing my clothes to cover my wedding tackle, before shaking my head.

“No. She doesn’t know what I am. She doesn’t know she’s my fated mate and I’ve been waiting my whole life for her and that’s why I’ve never slept with anyone else. And she doesn’t know…” My throat worked, suddenly bone dry and I turned around, jamming my feet through my shorts and hauling them up before turning back around. “She doesn’t know I claimed her the night we were together.”

“Claimed. Her.”

And just like that, Jack got over her shock about seeing the other side of my nature.

“I lost control,” I said, walking over to her and sitting on the edge of the deck, hanging my head in shame. “I thought I had shit locked down and I didn’t. Or rather, I did. She felt so good and I was so happy she’d come up to my room with me.”

“Dude, the amount of rapey bullshit guys spout that starts just like that is making my head spin right now,” Jack said, coming to sit beside me. “So, what does claiming her mean?”

I forced myself to look at her.

“When we find our mate, things are supposed to follow a set pattern. Get to know her, feel her out, woo her, then let her know what we are and then she decides.”

“To stay or go?” Jack frowned slightly. “Fuck, that’s harsh. And if you’ve been waiting for her your whole life, what does that mean if she says no?”

“No one else,” I replied, the words feeling like ashes in my mouth. “No love, no sex, no nothing.”

“That’s a lot to put on one girl,” Jack said, her tone much softer now. “But it makes sense now.”

“What does?”

She smiled slightly, holding my gaze and nodding at me as she continued.

“You’ve always been a beast on the field. Now I know that’s literally the case.” I snorted in response. “But the thing about you, Adam, is you’ve always been goal-orientated. Coach wants you to kick more goals? Our stats go up the next game. Get more cardio done at training to build stamina? You’re urging the guys on long past the set laps, pushing them to do their best. And this was your ultimate goal. Get Freya, make her yours and live happily ever after, having little baby bears… and how the fuck does that work?”

“Kids aren’t born in fur. It doesn’t happen until you’re a teenager,” I replied.

“Fuck, adolescence is a bitch when you just have to worry about one body, not two. So.” Jack was calming down. Her breath was coming more evenly and I could see that sharp focussed look she got in her eyes every time she had to deal with another fuck up. “Mate, you need me now, more than ever before.” I pulled in a breath to answer, but she stopped me. “Not because I’m gonna help you to get my bestie to accept whatever bond thing you think you have with her, but because you are ballsing every fucking thing up on your own. What made you think talking to the media was a good idea?”

“I sexually assaulted Freya.” I just blurted that out and somehow felt better for admitting it to her. It was like lancing a boil, all the poison oozing out of me. “She didn’t know what was happening, what I was doing and…” I swallowed hard. “Neither did I, not really. The nannas all teach us about the process, that we need to hold back, but I just couldn’t. She was so soft and wet—”

“And she’s my bestie, so shut the fuck up about that part,” Jack said, not unkindly. “OK, you got carried away during consensual sex, right?”

“Right.”

“And this bond thing isn’t going to do anything to her, is it? Like she’s not forever locked out of being with other guys.”

“Other guys won’t be an issue.” I forced the words out, but her eyebrow jerked up at my growl. “It just means there are no other girls for me.”

“But you’re not gonna like that much.” Jack the PR rep and Jack the terrified woman were both being pushed aside as Freya’s best friend was back in the building. “Is this going to be a problem? Are you going to try and stop her from seeing anyone else?”

“Freya’s free of me,” I said, my fingers clenching, then releasing again. “She ran out before I could tell her what had happened and she hasn’t made contact again. I can only assume she doesn’t want to.”

That made my chest ache. Jack watched me scratch at my breastbone as if that would ease it.

“It’s done. She’s made her choice and I’ll respect that, but…” I shook my head sharply. “I had to let her know: that I fucked up, that I was sorry. That’s why I spoke to the media. The guy was there, got photos of me looking like someone had just kicked my puppy, and I was feeling really low so I made a statement.”

“What have I said to you about that shit? Information. Diet.” She poked me in the arm to punctuate each word. “We talked about this. The media doesn’t need to know anything. We control what they do and don’t know. And, mate, I know now your heart was in the right place, but you’ve fucked things up worse than before. You don’t know Freya, don’t know how much she hates being in the spotlight, and you just directed its very bright glare right on her.”

Fuck. Fuck! My mind seemed incapable of any other thought as I let out a long sigh, feeling like everything good in my life went with it.

“I’m sorry—”

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