Page 26 of More Than I Can Bear

My phone had been buzzing since the moment we arrived. No, before that. I’d ignored it then and had turned my phone to ‘do not disturb’ when I had the chance, silencing all notifications.What about the building site?the responsible part of me thought.What about Adam and the dads and Mum?But for once the bear got his way, shoving them to one side and focussing just on her. Muscles that were kept locked down loosened and I felt like I could take fuller, longer, breaths. I was settling, strangely content with just this. Adam had always dreamed of going all the way to the top of the AFL, but me? I just wanted this.

Seeing my mate eat something I provided for her. I wanted to cook for her one day, get her tasting each dish until it met with her approval, right before I tasted her. Watching her move, spike strands of spaghetti with her fork and then eat, seeing her eyes wander around the room as she chewed. I wanted peace, quiet, stillness and while I hadn’t intended bringing her to my sanctum this early on, I couldn’t regret doing that.

“You want to tell Amber what?” I prompted gently. “You’ll be able to go back to work after things settle down.” Would she? I couldn’t tell for sure but I didn’t let any of that doubt colour my voice. “What would you want to tell her about Jorge’s food?”

“That it’s amazing,” she said, flushing slightly. “That we need to try making something of this quality though… Shit, she might not like hearing that.”

“Maybe not, but those bacon and egg rolls were pretty amazing too.”

She smiled, then glanced down at the table.

“So, do you do this for every woman your brother outs on state-wide television?” she asked me.

I let out a sigh, abandoning all hope of eating my meal, reaching over instead to top up a glass of wine I’d poured. I held up the bottle in question. Freya had said no the first time, but she pushed her water glass forward now, forcing me to commit the cardinal sin of splashing a glass of Leo Buring Leonay Riesling into a tumbler. But when I had mine in hand, the stem balanced between my fingers, the golden liquid swishing around in the glass, I confessed.

“There’s never been another girl in Adam’s life,” I said, “so, no, I haven’t had to rescue any other fair maidens, but… do I clean up after my brother? You might’ve noticed he’s a little impulsive?” Like the night he decided to spend the night buried between her thighs instead of watching the medal count. Her cheeks went a little pinker at that. “And I’m not. I can’t be. Someone has to be the sensible one and that’s me,” I said finally, feeling like I sealed my fate right then.

Sensible.

Sensible wasn’t sexy. It didn’t inspire thoughts that the man in question might tear her clothes off and fuck her against the mirror at the back of the lift, even though it was something I thought about the whole ride up. It didn’t conjure images of her fingers smearing the polished surface, a golden reflection of me driving into her over and over, until I felt her clench tight. That I’d grit my fucking teeth, hold back, do it right, not like Adam, and ride out her waves of pleasure before kissing her stupid. Sloppy, open mouthed kisses as I’d erupt inside her bare, feeling a kind of satisfaction as I felt my seed run down her legs the moment I pulled out of her.

“Sensible?” Freya smiled, her eyes narrowing slightly. “You’re trying to make out that you’re the boring one, but you’re not.”

Had any woman looked at me like she did now, with searching eyes that seemed to see right into my soul? I sucked her regard up like a parched plant might water, holding her gaze long past the point of politeness.

“I know what it’s like for people to look past you,” she said. “For their eyes to run over you and keep on going until they settle on someone they think is more important. Other people might miss things, but not me.”

She leaned forward as she took a sip from her glass, her eyes widening as the taste hit. Dry, with just a hint of minerality, I was wondering if she was getting all the complex notes I was, because not much else got past her. I smiled slowly at her words.

“I see you, Kaine… Farrelly?” I nodded, encouraging her to say more. “So, if you’d taken me out, how would the night end?”

With her pressed up against my truck, her pretty little dress bunching up around her thighs, that was what the bear wanted. But the man? Freya deserved to be wooed.

“When I first saw you, you didn’t seem to expect me to notice you back,” I said, leaning forward. “That made me want to know why. When I asked you out on a date, that’s what I wanted. If you wanted to sit in the car parked by the beach, or maybe perched up on my bonnet as I stared up at you, as you described all your hopes and dreams. That’s how I would’ve liked the night to end.”

I felt it then, the future, hanging there and tantalising me at how close it was. It was as if all I had to do was reach out and— She interrupted my thoughts by collecting up our plates with the practised ease of a waitress, something that had me standing to stop her, when she put a hand on my shoulder.

Shit.

Her hand was so small, yet her grip was strong, there and gone again.

“You fed me amazing food,” she said, leaning down until her lips were just above my ear. “So let me do this.”

I watched her bustle around, scraping the plates clean and then stacking the dishwasher before I could respond. But when she put the half-full takeaway containers and back into the plastic bags they’d arrived in, I strode across the room, into the kitchen. Stepping up behind her I took them from her hands, my body almost pressed against hers.

“You don’t need to do anything for me,” I told her in the kind of low urgent tones I hadn’t dared use when she was facing me. “Nothing but be happy. My brother dropped a bomb into your life.”

She turned slowly then, aware of my proximity.

“And it’s not for you to deal with the aftershocks, Kaine,” she said, reaching up slowly to pluck the bags from my fingers. “We can do this together if you like.” Then she held out one handle of the plastic bag, like it was an olive branch. “That way neither one of us is indebted to the other. A burden shared—”

I snatched the bags from her fingers and dropped the containers back on the bench, my hands slapping down either side of her body. I smelled the sudden scent of her fear, but it was coloured so thoroughly by the sweet sharpness of excitement, I couldn’t seem to bring myself to pull away.

“You’ll never be a burden to me,” I told her, aware of how crazy that sounded, but it had to be said. “And I’d like very much if you felt indebted to me.” My fingers flexed and, out of her field of vision, claws pricked the surface of my countertops. “Because maybe that’d make you feel like it’d be a good idea to curl up on the ridiculously huge couch of mine and watch something mind numbing on the TV with me.”

“With popcorn?” she asked.

That fucking smile. It felt like her spirit was bubbling back up again, now that it’d been given a chance to, and the bear roared his victory inside me. She was relaxing, getting accustomed to me. It was a small step, but it was a step nonetheless.

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