Page 24 of More Than I Can Bear

“He didn’t.” My hands rubbed at my thighs. “I don’t even understand… I left because…”

My breath was coming in shorter and shorter pants, my chest feeling tight, so I forced myself to bring my awareness back to the car and away from that hotel room, back to reality.

“I don’t like all the attention being on me,” I said finally.

“I’m with you there. Lucky for me, obviously, because no one is noticing anyone else when Adam’s in the room,” he said with a smile.

“Yeah, I know. He’s like the sun and everything and everyone seems to revolve around him and I…” My nails raked at the cheap polyester fabric of my pants. “I felt like if we hung out for much longer, I’d get burned up.”

“Like you are right now,” he said, changing lanes and then turned down North Terrace. “But it doesn’t have to leave any lasting damage.”

“Why are you helping me?” I should’ve asked that question back at the cafe, but I’d been too shell shocked to say it. I’d felt like I had the world’s eyes on me, when really it was just the people I worked with. They’d seemed to see me, really see me, for the first time and it wasn’t a comfortable thing. “You asked me out on a date, but… I’ve slept with your brother. I didn’t know that you were brothers when I accepted, obviously.”

“None of that matters.” He seemed so sure about that. Then he winked at me before pulling into the underground car park for his building. “And if you’d come home with Adam, I’m not sure that would’ve stopped me asking you out.”

“You’d have wanted me to cheat on your brother?” I asked, wondering if I was starting to understand the vibe now. “Is this some sort of competition between the two of you?”

“Competition? Nope.” He drove up the ramp, then expertly turned the car right, driving along the narrow space to find a car park. “That makes you a thing for two men to fight over. He probably didn’t really have a chance to tell you much about our family, especially if he was fucking things up, but…”

I leaned forward, hanging on his every word, somehow knowing this would be momentous.

“Adam and I have three dads. We don’t let the media know that, but, yeah. My dads fell in love with my mother the moment they saw her and they’ve spent every moment trying to make her happy.” He pulled into the park and pulled on the break, killing the engine. “That’s what’s normal to us. Finding the right woman and—”

“Sharing her…?”

I’d heard that some people did this, lived like that. While it didn’t really faze me either way, I’d always found it hard to get one guy to notice me, let alone more than one.

“Share the pleasure of making her happy,” he said, staring into my eyes but not making a move into my space. He smiled slightly, then looked down, a fine blush colouring his cheeks which had me staring all the more closely. “But that’s not what this is about. You didn’t feel safe back at the cafe.”

“No.” I felt it again, that rush of fear of being violated. I didn’t even know what Adam had going on about in the interview, though he seemed to. But if he had to have a conversation, he could’ve had it with me… I frowned as I realised. No, he couldn’t, because I’d scuttled on out of his room without leaving anything behind but my shoe. I sighed. He could’ve talked to Jack though, run things past her and instead… My fingers curled into fists. “No, I didn’t.”

“Then that’s what matters right now. Not him, not me, but you. C’mon.”

He was out of the car and around at my door, opening it up, then holding out a hand for me to take because I had to jump down. And when I took his hand, I felt something.

One of the things about me that I liked was that I seemed less fussed by men than other women I spoke to. Some of my friends at school would have been all aflutter at a simple gesture like this. The fact he was good looking and nice equalled saturated panties, apparently. But me? I didn’t seem to see guys or girls, just people. Kaine was being nice, so why did his hand feel so warm in mine? Why did I feel warmer too, the longer I held onto it? He didn’t feel like just some guy, he felt… safe. I shook my head, telling myself instantly that the thought was completely irrational, and reluctantly pulled free of his grip.

“People can’t get in or out of the car park without permission,” he told me, pointing to cameras in the car park. “There’s security down at the gate and people watch the car park as well.” We walked over to the lift. “I’m up on the top floor.”

“The top?” I found myself smiling despite myself. “You must have amazing views.”

“Come and see for yourself,” he said, walking into the lift and using a fob to select the floor. He pulled a second one off his key ring and passed it to me. “Use that to get onto any floor, but we’re on the fifteenth.”

I got to see just how amazing his view was the moment we walked out of the lift. I had the impression that everyone else in the building had part of a floor, but not Kaine. I was confronted by a wall of windows, the sunlight diffused by a reflective coating on the glass.

Kaine watched me take the place in, a small smile on his lips as I walked forward. It was perfect, gleaming and modern: the dove grey carpet not starting to fray like mine was, the kitchen containing slick stainless steel appliances, but also thickly lacquered butcher block counters. But it was the space that impressed me, the oversized furniture seeming dwarfed by the open plan room, making me feel like I could spin around like Maria in The Sound of Music and not touch a thing.

“It’s amazing,” I said.

“Thanks.” He shook his head. “My dads’ company built the whole structure, but I bought this floor and designed this part myself.”

“This is some crash pad.” I took in the brass light fittings and the discreetly elegant art on the walls. “I’m fairly sure you could fit a herd of elephants in here.”

“Sometimes I just need space, y’know? I share a house with my brother and a friend of ours.”

“River?” I asked.

“River,” he confirmed with a nod before walking over to the fridge. “I obviously grew up with Adam, and River’s as close as a brother to me, but sometimes the thing a happy family needs is space and this is mine. So, can I get you a drink?”

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