Page 20 of More Than I Can Bear

“Perfect,” I replied, holding her gaze for far longer than I should’ve, but she was just like a drawing. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. Which reminded me…

I reached into my pocket and tore off the drawing, then scribbled a quick note on it before sliding it across the counter along with enough cash to cover at least a couple of coffees, then turned to go. As soon as I was out of human earshot, I heard the giggles from the women and that made me smile.

See you Sunday for dinner,I’d written.

Chapter11

Adam

Never in my whole life had I felt so shit, and I’d deal with a lot of rubbish as a footy player. I’d had abuse howled at me from the sidelines, been stupid enough to trawl the social media sites that commented on our games where I’d read the vile shit people wrote about me, but that was nothing, nothing, compared to this.

I’d sexually assaulted my mate.

I hadn’t meant to. Did intent matter at all? I shook my head, not wanting to take the easy way out. Instead I trudged back to my car, my feet feeling like lead, even though my head was so light and spaced out I could barely feel my face. I’d been so caught up in finding Freya, bringing her back to me, but… That was why she ran, I decided right then, and the thought made something molten hot and acid hit my stomach. I’d driven our mate away. Why else would she take off like that, without even a word? She coulda told me she wasn’t interested in anything else, tried to deny the connection I knew we both felt.

Or had we?

An insidious thought slid into my skull like a snake and I could almost hear its scales rasp as it shifted inside me. I saw it then, the moment I locked down inside her, because that heated moment was on replay inside my head every moment I was awake. I saw her, felt her, caught the moment her mouth fell open and she let out a little gasp, a small frown forming.

Somehow, she’d known.

That this was different, that I was different and that she’d never feel anything like this, with anyone else, even if she didn’t know about her fated mates, but… What if she didn’t want that? River knew what that was like. His fathers’ fated mate had rejected them after being with them for a month or two. They weren’t what she was looking for. She didn’t want to settle down and have kids and so…

What if Freya was the same?

That felt wrong, like the thoughts didn’t fit together in my head. But was that real or wish fulfilment? I let out a long, ragged sigh, slapping my hands down on the side of my car and forcing myself to just take one breath, then another. I was getting caught up in my own head, everything that I’d been keeping back rushing out like a dam bursting with a flood that I was about to drown in. Work out what needs to be done and do it! our coaches always snapped. Thinking too much was the best way for a talented player to derail himself. I couldn’t think my way through this, that I knew. I had to do exactly as my nanna and the other ladies said, because in this, they were my coaches.

“Make amends,” Nanna said with a sad smile. “Many bear shifters have screwed up before you and many will do so again.” She nodded slowly. “The dream walking is a promising sign. She’s not hurting if she’s joining you in a dream; she’s not turning her heart against you. But still, make amends. Throw yourself on her mercy, if you can, and beg her to forgive you for doing something that’s unforgivable.”

Unforgivable. I closed my eyes for just a second, feeling like a weight I’d been carrying since that night was threatening to crush me. Fuck, I… Just fuck. But the part of me that would never give up, never lie down and die, not even when the scoreboard was against us, it rose up and pointed to the job at hand.

I could hole up in my room and eat my heart out, but onlyafterI’d found Freya, after I’d made clear how sorry I was. Not because I thought that was a means to get back in her good books. Coming back from this… I swallowed hard and then shook my head. It probably wasn’t possible, but I still needed to make amends. Whatever she wanted, whatever she needed to process this shit, I’d make sure she got it. I jerked my keys out of my pocket and that’s when someone suddenly appeared at my shoulder.

“Looking pretty glum there, mate.”

When my head whipped up, he was right there, camera in hand: a bloody news photographer taking shots in rapid succession, capturing my surprise then my anger.

Keep your cool, my inner Jack said.Keep your fucking cool!

And I tried, I really fucking tried, but I couldn’t help but let out a guttural snarl, the bear pissed with… pretty much everything right now and having a target for that suited him just fine.

“Fuck off!” I snapped, putting a hand up to block his shots.

“No need to get pissy,” the photographer said, backing off with a sly smile. “And don’t worry about trying to ruin my shots. I caught some nice ones from across the streets. Adam Farrelly devastated when local artist rejects him. Adam—”

“What?”

The bloke was trying to rile me up. I was only a player in a state league, not the national one, so paparazzi tended to not pay too much attention to us, but Jack had schooled us on their techniques.

“Be a grey rock,” she’d told us.

“What?”Darryl had scoffed.

“You’re a small, grey rock, nothing to see here, of no interest to anyone,”she elaborated.“Don’t respond, don’t give them ammunition. Don’t do anything. Just walk past them and ignore anything they say…”

But I was failing at that too. I searched the man’s face, unable to believe what I was seeing, hearing.

“Didn’t ya know?” His grin grew wider. “The newspaper has tracked down the artist that made Cinderella’s shoe. Look up Goblincore Art.”

---