Page 10 of More Than I Can Bear

“No need,” I replied hastily. “It was my fault she left late anyway.”

You dickhead, River, I thought, watching him frown and his eyes harden.

We’d had a little vibe going there. I’d helped his daughter out from the goodness of my heart, from his perspective, and the fact I’d gotten her here in one piece and didn’t want anything in return was earning me some major brownie points. But they all disappeared the moment I said that.

“What?” He seemed to pin me with his gaze, trying to look right into me and I barely fought the urge to step back.

Say something, I thought furiously and then I remembered Kaine’s words.And don’t fuck this up.

“I went in for a late dinner and the place was empty, just the two women working there: Freya and her boss,” I told him, which was mostly true. “I got a little concerned and hung around to make sure they were safe. Turns out they were waiting for me to go but didn’t say anything because they didn’t want to kick me out.”

I looked at him with a sheepish grin, because what else could I do? I’d fucked it up and I could now understand Kaine’s irritation. I’d had one job—

“I hate that Amber doesn’t put a bloke on with them in the evening,” he said with a sharp shake of his head. “Doesn’t make any bloody sense to me, with the way the world is nowadays. You’re a good bloke, River, for sticking around, even if you need to get your arse out the door earlier. Frey won’t listen to me, but that train is dangerous at night, especially heading up north.”

“Well, I’d be happy to give her a lift any time she wants. I’m working at the building site just down the road from the cafe.”

Shit, where the hell had that come from? I was going too hard, coming on way too strong. Just as I felt a stab of pure fear, Alby grinned.

“You’re sweet on her.”

“Um, yeah…” I raked a hand through my hair, conscious of the fact my dads said it made me look like a scruffy lout. “I saw her during the lunch rush and…” I shrugged.

“Say no more, mate.” The man winked. “I was the same with her mother. I saw Floss across a crowded lunchroom and I was a goner.” He gave me a light punch to the arm. “I dunno if you’ll get very far, though. Our Freya isn’t really one for boys, but you seem like a nice lad.” A cunning look crossed his face. “Maybe you’d like to come by one Sunday afternoon? Freya and the other kids come around for their mother’s famous roast lamb. She’d be happy to have you.”

“Yes.” My answer came out too fast, too urgently, but Alby just smiled.

“Thanks again then, mate. I gotta get inside now. I’m fucking freezing my balls off.”

I waved goodnight to him once I got back in my car, and then I just sat there looking at the house, blinking. Freya’s dad just shook his head at me before he ambled back inside but of course he didn’t get it. Had I fucked things up? I didn’t know, but despite the way the evening had gone, I felt a strange sense of elation all the way home until I walked in the door.

“You’re up late.”

I was taken aback a little to see Adam bunkered down on the couch watching reruns of Friends. He only ever did that when he was feeling down, and those moments were few and far between. I took in the couple of empty beer cans and the bags of chips strewn across the coffee table, as well as an open box of pizza.

“Having a cheat meal, mate?” I asked him as I walked over to the couch.

“Cheat meal?” He shoved the box with his foot. “Season’s over now…” He let out a heartfelt sigh then looked up at me. “I won the Magarey, River. I won the fucking medal that I’ve been aiming for my whole fucking life. So why does it feel like nothing?” His eyes locked with mine. “Why does it feel like nothing without her?”

Chapter5

Adam

I’d fucked everything up. If it’d been a play on the field, I’d know how to approach it. I’d let that shit stew for a bit, to feel that gut-wrenching agony that came from giving your all but still failing. When I had the strength, I’d pick myself up, review the footage, talk to my coach, anything, to work out what to do next.

But there was no one to coach me through this.

I couldn’t sit still on the couch. Instead, my fingers were tracing the seams of the cushions, worrying at the small hole that had formed some years ago until it became bigger, and I made myself pull my hand away. I reached over and grabbed the stubbie that was pooling condensation on the coffee table and took a drink. I’d rather do anything than feel the ache that was left from holding Freya.

And then losing her.

I took another mouthful of my beer and watched Joey talk about Thanksgiving pants. The familiar dialogue, the canned laugh track, the easy camaraderie between the characters, was all usually enough to settle me. But not now. And then, right when I’d felt like shit, Kaine had been there: not to lift me up, but to grind me down harder.

“You did what?”

His voice still echoed in my head. It was worse than the time we decided to ride BMX bikes from the roof of our family home into the pool. Me and my mates had thought it was fucking hysterical at the time, right before we busted a bike and my leg. It was worse than when I slept through my Year 12 exam and failed maths, because my mark was already on a knife edge beforehand. It was worse… I took a long swig from the bottle of beer. I usually wasn’t a big fan of the stuff, but the bitter taste worked well with my mood, because there was nothing worse than how I was feeling. My phone buzzed and I looked down at it, irrationally hopeful it was Freya, but it was just Darryl.

D-Bag:Come out, ya cunt. The babes are swarming.

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