Page 33 of Bragg's Christmas

Love Hill

“Hey, Dad,” I greet as I kneel in front of my father’s grave. “Sorry, it’s been a while.”

I’m not certain what I’m doing here. I’m not entirely certain how I got here. I was wandering around this morning and somehow, I ended up at the Winter Falls cemetery.

It’s a small place. The population of Winter Falls isn’t very big after all. Still, I scan the area to check I’m alone before I continue.

“I think I’m screwing up my life,” I whisper. “I think I got on the wrong track and I don’t know how to get back to the right one.”

Tears well in my eyes and I sniff to stop them from falling. I’m not going to be some cliché woman crying in the cemetery for my daddy who’s been gone for nearly two decades.

“Priscilla’s gone. She left a while back after she used up the inheritance you left her. I don’t know what you saw in her. All she ever did was drink, eat, sleep, and pick up strange men.”

I freeze. Those are the exact same words the people of Winter Falls have been saying about me for years.All she does is pick up men. I don’t think she’s ever had an actual job. Does she sleep all day?

The tears I was holding back fall down my face. “I’m a mess, Daddy.”

What I wouldn’t give to hear his voice one more time. I need his advice on what to do. But I’m surrounded by silence. Birds chirp and water gurgles on the river nearby, but no Daddy telling me everything will be okay.

“I lost my job. Did I tell you I got a job? I’m a nanny for the cutest little girl in the world.”

I clear my throat. “Or, rather, I was the nanny. My boss fired me because of the rumors he overheard.”

I pause. I never lie to my dad. Not even when he’s dead and buried.

“I guess they aren’t rumors. I have dated a few married men in my life. Okay. Okay. I’ve strictly dated married men. But I was merely testing them. After what happened in ninth grade …”

You’re making excuses to explain your behavior.

Damn it to hell and back. Iammaking excuses. While it’s true no one listened to my side of the story in ninth grade, it’s also true the things they’ve said about me and men since then are correct – mostly.

It’s time for change, Love.

But how do I change?

Start today with small steps.

No more married men. No more blaming your bad reputation on your peers. Time to own up to your mistakes.

Own up to my mistakes? Gulp. Do I have to?

Oh, jeez. I’m not going to run around apologizing to everyone I’ve ever hurt. I’m not in one of those twelve-step programs.

Be a better person.

“I don’t know if I can be a better person, Daddy. I think I might be a bad person.”

I’m thirty-four years old. Can I change my life? Can I be a better person?

I think I have to be. I can’t continue as I am. I’ll turn into Priscilla. I don’t want to be the same as my step-witch.

That does it. I get to my feet. I am going to do better. Or, at least, try to do better and be a better person.

How hard can it be?

I check my watch. I need to get to Damon’s house or I won’t have time to get Skye ready for her first day of school. I increase my pace. The first day of school is important. She needs to wear the perfect outfit to make a good first impression.

“Good morning, Forest,” I say as I pass the pet shop owner out walking his squirrels.

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