Page 183 of Pierce Me

Eden: Well, he’s done nothing but look at me since I came here. I think I gotta go. I want to give my full attention to whatever is coming next, good or bad.

Manuela: Keep us posted!

Manuela: I can’t believe I just wrote that, that’s such a Faith thing to say.

Manuela: But do keep us posted, if you can.

Faith: Can’t type, glued to Instagram right now.

Manuela: I’m coming over! Open the door.

thirty-eight

I know the crowd is going crazy at this point. I can’t even imagine what’s happening online. Everyone and their mother must be theorizing, pairing me with every single famous and infamous person under the sun. Wondering when they’ll get their curiosity satiated hungrily, thirstily.

I have made a mess of this, haven’t I? And I’ve barely even started.

But I won’t let the ‘slip of the century’ stop me. I came here to do something, and I’m doing it, no matter how much harder it is now.

The crowd has quieted down. The rain has not.

“So, as you might have already guessed, there is this special person in my life,” I begin, and my voice trembles a little.

The crowd stops breathing, waiting for my next words.Who? Who?They are all thinking. They know, of course. I see some people shift in their seats, looking around for Eden. My stomach clenches and I motion to the guards that surround her.

They know what to do.

My single nod means‘remove the person you’re guarding quietly from their surroundings’. They’ll bring her backstage. She’ll still be able to listen. I just hope she’ll be close enough so I can see her. But maybe it’s better if I don’t look at her as I say my next words.

“I should say therewasa person in my life,” I correct myself. “I lost her, and I lost everything. For a while there, it felt like I had lost myself. I’m sure you know that from some of my songs.”

Nervous laughter from the audience.

“All right, from all of my songs.” They laugh louder. “But the thing is, you see, I used to be so close to this person that if she was hurting, I would go insane. The idea that I would ever cause her pain was unthinkable. I used to stay awake at nights worrying that someone, somewhere, might harm her.”

The crowd quiets down again. They’re watching me. They’re listening.

“And it turns out, someone did hurt her. A lot.” My throat clogs up again and I look down, unable to continue.Come on, Isaiah. You got this.But I don’t got this. I feel the tears burn my chest already. “And I wasn’t there to save her. No one was. She had to save herself, and she did, because she is strong like that. Some people are, you know. Very rare and special people. Mostly girls, actually.” My eyes lock with Spencer’s momentarily and his eyes go all shiny.

He is one such person as well, but then I see his girl, Ari, next to him, and I know he’s thinking the same about her.

I wait for the crowds’ roar to die down. More phones pop up, recording me, going live. Good. I can’t imagine doing this on any other stage in the world. But here, with the rain, and this amazingly lively and responsive crowd… It’s perfect. Or as perfect as a messy thing like this can be.

“How do I apologize for breaking the heart of a such a person?” I say into the mic, my voice thick with emotion. “How do I ever find a way? How can words hold all the regret and the shame I feel?” I stop talking, trying to collect my thoughts. The rain takes over, covering the silence with its white noise. “I won’t try to apologize to myself, I’ll never forgive myself for not being there for her. But she is not me. She is not a heartbreaker. She is everything that is good and hopeful in this world.”

There it is again.

Hope.

It won’t leave me alone. It keeps chasing me.

Someone is moving down the aisle to the pit from the VIP seats, escorted by security. I squint against the lights: It’s Theo. He’s come here, to Athens, to watch my concert; he was in the VIP seats with Spencer. But now he is walking with purpose down to the stage, ignoring the cameras, until he finds one of my guards. They exchange a few words, and, in a minute, Theo is being escorted backstage. I turn around, shamelessly curious to see what he is going to do.

I forget the crowd as I find Eden’s slender silhouette, watching me from behind the lights. In a minute, Teddy is next to her. He stops when he reaches her, towering over her. He leans down, talks to her for a second, and then he opens his arms and she walks in.

I have never ever seen Teddy touch anyone in my life. He wouldn’t let his mom touch him when his older brother was dying on a hospital bed. But now he’s hugging Eden. And she is hugging him back.

‘He said he read her poem and it made him live.’Spencer’s words run through my head and I get a lump in my throat.

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