Page 24 of This Is On You

“You promise to tell me if they do?”

“I promise,” I whisper.

He smiles at me again, like I’ve really pleased him, and God, I want to see that smile every day.

I’m in too deep, I’m already in too deep.Can I stop myself from falling?

Harrison drops to his knees and drags me to him. He releases my ankles from my pants and rubs them gently.

No. I can’t stop myself and wouldn’t even if I could.

He kisses my knees, my thighs as he parts them, the inside of my legs up to my cock, where a fat drop of precome is slipping down the side.

He laps it up, then takes me in and to the back of his throat.

He has me spilling inside his mouth in what seems like seconds, then takes off his shirt, and cleans me up. He takes his time, looks me over, and rubs gently at my pucker.

“Is it too tender?”

“No,” I croak out, emotion is clogging my throat, and I don’t have the will to hide it anymore.

He nods and kisses me there, playful. Harrison takes care of my wrists just as patiently even though like the rest of me, they’re fine. He carries me to the head of the bed and lays down with me on top of him. His strong arms are like the best blanket in the world, and when he drags the duvet over us, I close my eyes and I’m asleep an instant later.

NINE

Harrison

Saturday, December 19th

I’ve beenawake for hours. Holding Tristan in my arms, I feel his breath on the side of my neck as I try to make sense of everything that’s changed in the last twenty-odd hours of my life.

I kept Tris on top of me all night—he slept like the dead, so I didn’t mind at all. It grounds me, he grounds me.

I’ve never done what I did last night.

I’ve never taken someone over when I was feeling out of control. Normally, when something rattles me, I hide away in my office or my room for hours, and once I’ve calmed down, that’s when I allow myself to seek out the comfort of controlling someone else.

Tristan was here, though, and he was the catalyst.

And he was willing.

It’s not his fault, I was never actually angry with him, and I hope he knows that. If he doesn’t, then I’ll simply set the record straight.

Nothing I did last night was out of anger toward him. Most of it was out of desperation because I hate fucking losing it.

Tristan—a man I’ve only known for those twenty-odd hours—finding out a decades-old family secret right after he gave me all I’ve ever wanted in a sexual partner screwed with my head.

I should’ve known he’d go downstairs, I should’ve known he had a curious streak a mile wide. I could’ve ordered him not to, but that would’ve probably only pissed him off, and it would’ve gone directly against the rules he’d laid down when we got here.

I have no power over him outside this room.

The thought makes me uncomfortable, I don’t want to control Tristan outside of sex. I really,reallydon’t, but now, just like my children, I have to protect him.

Not from Eian, I know damn well Eian has no interest in harming innocent businessmen, but from the world and what it would do should this secret ever come out. The irrational fear will never go away, I think. Not for me, not for Eian.

We both have too much to lose.

I feel the exact second Tris wakes up, and I go over what I want to say. Tristan is the first person who doesn’t work for me I’ll explain my family history to. If the first part of the conversation goes well.

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