Page 43 of Four Firemen For Christmas

“Do you need a suspension so you can get your head on straight?” I couldn’t really blame the kid, and I felt like the world’s biggest asshole for harassing him about it. But protocols were in place for a reason. They’re my brothers, every damned one of them. I’d die for any man on my team in a heartbeat. That didn’t mean I wanted them to give up their lives so carelessly. Not carelessly. I made myself look at the girl and her mother. If Alex hadn’t heard her, we’d all have heard about her death tomorrow.

None of us could stomach the idea of losing someone.

“I had to save her.” Alex leaned in close and stared me down. “It was my job to save her.”

“That’s no reason to charge into a burning house without backup. All you had to do was wait. What were you thinking? Or were you thinking at all?”

Something passed over Alex’s face, but for the first time in my career, I couldn’t understand the look. He was convinced that he’d needed to run in the house. I understood that kind of passion, but tolerating it was unacceptable.

“I’m thinking clearly for the first time in months.” The kid never wavered from his conviction.

I appreciated that about him most of the time. It might take him forever to come to a conclusion, but once he did, he never backed down. So what changed for him today? What made him reckless enough to leave us all behind while he ran inside? “Did you need to be the one in the spotlight? Was it your turn to be the hero?” I didn’t understand what he meant.

Alex stayed silent but looked over his shoulder at the crumpled house.

“Cap, we got another one.” Wells’s voice cut through my comm. “Other team says they got this one covered if we want to roll out.”

I pointed a finger at Alex. “We’re not done talking about this.”

20

EMMA

Ican’t believe I haven’t had sex in a week. It’s not like that’s an unusual thing, but I thought things would change now that I’d gotten the firefighters’ attention. Maybe I never really had it at all. Annoyance banded around my chest in a vise, and I could barely breathe through the surge that drove my steps faster.

“I won’t be late.” I checked my watch again and increased my pace. I’d stuck around the apartment too long this morning waiting on Derek or Alex to mention something.

“Hey, where’s the fire?” Derek trotted up to my side and slowed to keep pace with me.

I rolled my eyes and tried not to melt at the look in his eyes. “You should know, you’re the one always running into burning buildings.”

“Not always.” He shoved his hood back and raked a hand over his head. Snowflakes dotted his hair within seconds, but he ignored them to focus on me. “Alex is still smarting over Cap’s ass chewing last week.”

They’d told me all about that; how Alex ran into a burning house to save a little girl. Derek also told me that for a minute, he’d worried that Alex was going crazy. But then everything worked out.

I didn’t tell him that I’d seen the footage on the news. How the building had collapsed seconds after they emerged. I watched that story with my heart in my throat. I’d never tell them to leave the job they all loved, but seeing that news report hammered home the fact that I could lose any one of them at any time. They saved people, and they saved homes and buildings whenever they could. They didn’t exactly consider their lives expendable, but the risk was worth the reward.

That didn’t mean I’d ever stop worrying.

Derek yawned and pawed a hand over his face. “Man, this twenty-four-hour shift shit is getting to me. I feel like I haven’t had a good night’s sleep all week.”

Neither had I, but for an entirely different reason. Derek’s normally bright and eager expression was subdued today. All of them were looking a little worse for the wear these days. When they were at the station, they barely had a minute to sit down before they were out on a call for one thing or another. I’d spent half the day by myself in Henry’s office while they helped another station with a big structure fire.

“Things will slow down soon, right?” I asked Derek.

He shrugged. “Hard to say. Alex says Christmas is the busiest time around here. And Henry says we’re never, ever to say it’s a slow day. It’s like a jinx or something.”

I laughed, finally feeling like we might be getting back to normal. “It was the same way at the doctor’s office. If anyone ever mentioned a slow day, you could bet we’d end up with a dozen emergencies within an hour.”

The station building came into view, and I took a second to appreciate the bright red building with a backdrop of snowy gray clouds piled up behind it. We were bound to get a few more inches through the next few days. All the shops I’d passed on my walk over had their windows decorated. “Are you getting a Christmas tree?”

“I haven’t thought about it. We have one at the station for the angel tree. Always thought that was enough. No sense in it at the apartment when we’re never there to celebrate.”

“Oh.” I should’ve seen that answer coming, but it hit like a punch in the gut. Of course they were never home at Christmas. “You all must go visit your families.”

Derek stepped in front of me, cutting me off. “What’s wrong? You sound sad.”

“Nothing.” I brushed my hand through the air, batting away snowflakes. “It’s this time of year, it always makes me weepy.”

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