Page 31 of Four Firemen For Christmas

“Yeah?” I gripped her forearms and touched my forehead to hers. “Because the last time we were together, you told me I was pathetic, and you had to force yourself to have sex with me. Out of pity.”

“I didn’t mean it.” She rubbed her palms over my scalp. “You want me to prove it to you?”

Did I? I hesitated long enough that she took it as consent and reached beneath my pants.

“Wait.” I stepped out of reach and crossed my arms. “Tell me why you really came here. Why did you sound like something was wrong in your texts? You couldn’t even wait until I got off work.”

She pouted prettily and tipped her head to the side in the way she knew I loved. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to ask you, but I’m desperate.”

“Okay.” I tightened my grip on my emotions, tugging them down deep where she couldn’t hurt me anymore.

“I need money. My rent’s due and my new job isn’t paying as much as they promised.” She waved a hand and ran it through her blonde hair.

I’d almost expected something like this. I hated to be negative about every interaction, but I’d known something was off in the way she reached out. A few weeks ago, I would have been heartbroken if she wanted nothing more than money. Her offer of sex had been nothing more than a prelude to this. Fucking shit. Like I owed her any part of my body. Or my money. I owed her nothing. Especially after the way she treated me and then ended things with nothing but hateful words. To come back now and say she hadn’t meant them? It wasn’t enough.

I withdrew into the vault of indifference I’d wrapped around my heart after our breakup. “Find some other guy to hustle. I’m done.”

I must truly be unlovable. I turned my back on her and walked away.

“Alex, you can’t do this.” Danielle hurried after me but stopped just short of the door leading inside.

“I just did.” Nothing mattered but getting away from her. The cold air bit into my skin, causing goosebumps to erupt. I’d gone out without my coat and beanie, and the cold seeped in deep. Even my heart had frozen over. I was an impenetrable wall of ice.

Danielle grabbed my arm and tried to pull me back. “Please. I’ll do anything. I need the money.”

“Sorry. You lost access to my wallet when you told me that you’d been faking orgasms for a year.” I shook her off.

“You really don’t want to tell me no.” A hint of despair and sheer meanness entered her voice.

I didn’t turn around, didn’t want to see her face. “What else could you do to hurt me? I’m done.” I wrenched open the narrow metal door and stepped into the fire station.

Danielle hissed my name a few more times but remained outside. She used to come in here all the time. I thanked whatever gods existed that she stayed out. If Samuel saw her skulking around, he’d have a fit.

Emma walked out of Henry’s office and every synapse in my brain locked onto her flushed cheeks and thejust-had-sexglow radiating off her skin. Fucking shit. She had sex with Henry. In his office. During working hours. What was this woman doing to us? She ran a hand through her hair, pulling it over her shoulder and continuing to thread her fingers through the long locks.

Jealousy raged as I watched her fix her hair and dart into the bathroom. Muscles bunched and flexed. Did I confront Henry? Nah. It wouldn’t solve anything and would probably make everything worse. Henry was welcome to do whatever he wanted. If he wanted to fuck Emma on company time, then it was not my concern. Not even if he’d fire me for doing the same thing. The jealous rage flared brighter. Henry and Derek both had sex with Emma today. In most situations, I’d be concerned about the woman’s intentions. But not Emma. I’d watched her this morning, and nothing about her concerned me except for how easily she muddled my head and made me want her too.

Could I have sex with her? She’d looked open to it this morning. I wasn’t over Danielle, but Emma might be a nice distraction to get me back on my feet again. Wait. No. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t use Emma for sex because I was horny and lonely. That’s not the kind of man I wanted to be. Even if this Emma thing was temporary and we all agreed, I wasn’t the type of guy who banged and bailed.

Damn my thoughts for always running in circles and never giving me any peace. I wanted Emma. I should be allowed to sink into the oblivion of sex as long as all involved parties knew the end goal. I wasn’t looking for another relationship. People had casual sex all the time. There was no reason I couldn’t try it for myself.

First, I had to talk to Emma and find out if she was interested in me.

Derek and Henry talked in Henry’s open doorway. Looking at Henry, I wouldn’t know anything was different. Until I really took my time and examined the captain. He had a looseness about him that I’d never seen before.

The typical tight face and pinched expression had given way to a relaxed posture and an almost grin that definitely wasn’t a frown but something closer to a casual smirk.

I made my way toward the bathroom right as the door opened and Emma stepped out. She’d fixed her smudged makeup and brushed her hair. Her lips quirked up in a bright smile when she saw me. “Hey, Alex.”

“Emma.” I propped my shoulder on the wall and crossed my arms. “Had a good morning?”

Pink that had nothing to do with her makeup filled her cheeks.

“Alex, drills.” Samuel called out from behind me.

I waved at him. “In a minute.” I’d gathered my nerve and intended to ask Emma about us.

Samuel grabbed my arm and pulled. “You can talk to Emma later. We need to run drills now.”

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