Page 106 of The Art of Falling

Archer: I’ve said I’m sorry in every way that I know how. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness and I understand your hesitance to trust me. I’m not a man who’s accustomed to sharing his feelings, so I’m sorry if I don’t have the right words to fix what I broke. So this will be my last attempt. I love you, Rory. I never thought I would say that to another person, but there it is. You changed everything I thought I wanted. I spent a year watching you from afar, never letting myself get too close because I knew if I did, there would be no going back, and I was right. I thought loving someone would make me weak, but you, Rory, you make me strong. Stronger than I have ever been and even if this really is the end, I’ll always cherish the time we spent together.

I have to blink several times to read the next message, my eyes filling with tears I refuse to let fall.

Archer: I love you, Rory, and I’m begging you for the chance to show you just how much. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please come to the game tomorrow. I’ve secured front row tickets for you and Alina on our sideline. If I don’t see you there, I’ll know your decision and I will respect it.

I don’t know how long I stand there reading and rereading his words. An hour. A minute. Time seems to be just beyond my grasp.

I exit the building on autopilot, my mind a million miles away.

I now understand why Alina was trying so hard to get me to go to the game. Then again, why hound me if Archer was ultimately going to be the one to make the decision for me. Unless, Alina didn’t know he was going to text me. Maybe he asked her to get me there and was going to put me on the spot or something and then thought better of it. Not a bad call on his part, considering if he knows me at all, then he knows that’s the last thing I would want. Which obviously he does.

And while I’ve had a lot of revelations this afternoon, I’m still not sure what I’m going to do.

It would be so easy to fall back into his arms, but I have to really ask myself if that’s what I want. Do I want to be with Archer and everything that comes with that? Do I want to tie myself to another person this close to graduation when in just a few months we could end up on opposite ends of the country?

I want to say no. But when that other person is Archer, that’s not quite so easy.

Because I do love him. With all that I am. With every pore in my body. From the tips of my toes to the very top of my head. This wouldn’t be so damn hard if I didn’t.

“Stop fidgeting,” Alinascolds, soothing her hand over mine.

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not about to make a decision that could blow up your entire life.”

“That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you think?”

“Do I need to remind you how long you dragged Enzo along before you finally committed?”

“Shush.” She holds a finger to my lips, but I’m quick to push her hand away. “We need to get to our seats. They’ve already kicked off.” She gestures to the field.

I spent all night stewing over this decision. I never answered Archer’s text because I honestly didn’t know what to do until literally ten minutes before we needed to leave, hence why we’re running late. Okay, so that’s not entirely true. I knew what Iwantedto do. I just didn’t know if it was the right decision. I still don’t.

At least, that’s what I think until I see Archer on the sidelines, looking at two empty seats I know are reserved for me and Alina. Knowing he’s waiting for me, looking for me, hoping I come, it does something to me I can’t easily explain and suddenly, all the doubt and worry just go right out the window.

I’m wearing the jersey he gave me at the first game I attended. I almost didn’t, but Alina thought it would be a nice touch and for reasons I don’t entirely understand, I actually chose to listen to her. Now I feel almost silly about it.

She admitted that Enzo had helped Archer plan this big, public display of affection and her job was to get me to the game. But apparently, Archer decided against it, hence the texts instead. I’m grateful too, because had he done something over-the-top, disregarding my shyness and putting me on the spot in front of thousands, I may not have reached the same conclusion as I did today.

Looping her arm though mine, Alina leads us down to the front row, where we’re seated next to a few other players’ girlfriends. We’re offset from the bench by a few yards, so I don’t have a direct line of sight to Archer until he jogs out on the field.

He looks so good in his uniform and the way he moves, confidence oozing from his pores, it’s like I can feel it all the way over here. I guess when you’re as good as he is, you don’t have to bother with doubt or nerves. Though, Alina did inform me that he threw four interceptions in his last game. And while I felt bad for the team, a part of me did feel a little bit of sick satisfaction knowing that I rattled Mr. Unrattled-able.

I watch the guys huddle around him as he calls the next play, but just as they break apart, I see his head swing my way and I know with complete certainty that he sees me. I can’t see his face well, but I swear when he tips his chin, I see a smile on his face.

Tapping the guy in front of him, he says something and then shouts down the line to his receivers.

“What’s he doing?” I ask Alina, my heart thumping so hard it vibrates my words.

“Calling an audible.”

“A what?”

“It means he’s changing the play, silly.” She laughs at my lack of knowledge.

“Oh.” I swallow hard, not able to tear my eyes off him.

Seconds later, the ball is in his hands and before I even know what’s happened, it’s in Higgins’s hands halfway down the field. He takes it into the end zone without being touched and everyone rushes down to celebrate with him.

But not Archer...

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