Page 55 of Hidden Shadows
He hesitated—and that small pause hurt so much more than it should have. Had the situation been reversed, she wouldn’t have needed a second to think about it.
“I should get up.” She didn’t look at him as she threw off the blankets and rose from the bed.
“Finley…”
She ignored him, crossing into her room and closing the connecting door, not wanting him to see the hurt on her face or the tears building in her eyes.
For a moment, she just stood there, leaning against the wood as she blinked the tears away. Then she stripped off her pajamas and pulled on running tights, a sports bra, and a sweater. She was just putting on her socks and shoes when the connecting door opened.
“Finley—” He stopped, but she didn’t look up. “What are you doing? You can’t go for a run. You had a concussion yesterday.”
“I’m going for a walk.”
“No—”
“I need to get out of this room.” That was nonnegotiable. When her mind was a mess, when her world felt like it was imploding around her, she needed to move. To be outside. To breathe fresh air. Not be caged indoors.
She rose and stepped around him, making it halfway across the room when strong fingers wrapped around her wrist.
“Finley, I don’t think—”
“I do.” She pressed a hand to his chest, forcing her gaze up to his deep brown eyes. “I need to go for a walk. You can join me or wait here.”
A muscle twitched in his cheek before he slowly released her. Then she was moving again, walking out of the room and down the hall, Nixon behind her. When she stepped into the elevator, it felt too small. She smacked at the button, begging the ride down to go quickly.
Nixon’s smell, his closeness, was intoxicating. It pulled her in, and all she wanted to do was lean into his chest. But he didn’t want her with the same certainty. The same desperation. And God, that cut across her flesh like a blade.
When she reached the foyer, she was walking out before the doors had fully opened, all but falling outside. She gulped in long breaths of air, letting the cold fill her lungs. Needing it to calm her.
She walked quickly down the path, forcing her legs to pump at a pace she knew was too fast, given her condition last night.
“Finley, slow down.”
Not only did she ignore Nixon, she sped up, gulping in more air, desperately hoping her racing heart would disguise thatotherpain in her chest.
“Finley!” When she ignored him again, his fingers wrapped around her arm for a second time that morning, pulling her to a stop. “You need to—”
“Why are you so scared to want me?”
His brows slashed together. “What?”
“Why are you so scared for me to be yours, permanently?”
Emotion flickered in his eyes, so deep and dark, he was almost unrecognizable. “Because then I have something to lose.” His voice held a depth of pain she hadn’t anticipated.
Her breath stuttered, her heart cracking at the fear she saw in his eyes. Because therewasfear. And in a man like Nixon, a man who looked like he could hold the world on his shoulders, that fear was soul-wrenching.
She stepped forward. “But if you push me away, you’ve lost me anyway.”
He ran a hand over his face, something akin to panic there now. “I’m trying to protect myself.”
“But at what cost? Losing us? Losing what we could be?” She pressed her hands to his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart beneath her palm. “I’m falling in love with you, Nixon. Do you feel the same way?”
At his silence, every pain she’d ever felt was a shadow in comparison to this one.
No. He didn’t feel the same.
This time, she stepped away from him, but the step was more of a stumble. “I can’t keep going in circles like this. My heart can’t take it.”
