Page 4 of Jester

Or maybe I never had it in myself to care about anyone like Papa Bear cared. That’s why he got to be the leader with a beautiful wife and healthy kids. But even great men don’t win in the end.

That’s why Betty Boop died during a Sunday picnic. Most of the club came out that day. Papa Bear had wanted to regain the sense of community Kraken stole away.

I’d been sitting near the Marsden family when Betty Boop stuck her hand in a basket and yelped in pain. I saw her face go red and then turn blue. She died as they rushed her to a car. No one even knew she was allergic to bees.

From a strategic standpoint, Kraken’s turn against the club was the bigger blow. However, Betty Boop’s death is what nearly broke the Born Villains. Up until then, the Sanctuary felt charmed, as if we’d created a magical place where no one could get hurt. Except Betty Boop did, right before our eyes.

I wasn’t any good for Papa Bear after he lost his woman. When Lando died, nothing anyone said helped me, so I figured words didn’t matter.

Over time, Papa Bear rebounded with a chick named Lady Bug. He loves her. I know he does. There’s no denying that fact. But I can’t see her without thinking of Betty Boop.

My heart went cold after Lando and Betty Boop were gone. I did my job as the club’s Road Captain. I watched people’s back. But I felt cold inside. Nothing good pumped through my veins anymore.

Then, when Talon Marsden was nearly legal, she started nursing a crush on me. I’d never really thought of Papa Bear’s oldest daughter as anything more than a kid with a big mouth and a broken heart over her dead mom.

However, I figured the teenager having a crush on me was safer than her attempting her goofy flirting with any of the younger members who might have taken her up on what she was sloppily offering.

Talon kept coming around my place or hitting me up at the club’s main eating hall, HQ. Papa Bear didn’t seem to mind. He probably figured I needed a distraction, and Talon would grow out of her infatuation.

At some point, my dead heart started pumping warm and soft for the young beauty. She was a mix of her parents—stubborn and tough like Papa Bear, sweet and feisty like Betty Boop.

No woman had ever created a flustered heat in my belly before. At some point, Talon transformed into a woman. I remember the exact moment when I realized shit had changed between us. I spotted Talon talking to a younger club member. She was always shooting the shit with them. There was no harm in it, yet I instantly got the urge to kick his ass as if he was messing with my woman.

Not long afterward, Papa Bear came to me to say he understood my feelings for Talon, but she was too young, and I was too old. Nothing was going to happen. If we wanted to date eventually, it had to happen way down the road.

“You know what kind of man you are,” he said after stopping by my townhome. “You know she’s messed up since Betty Boop died. Maybe this thing is real. But it’s just as likely she’ll have a lot of crushes.”

Papa Bear’s point was clear—I wasn’t special.

I’ve thought of his words a lot since I got locked behind bars for a crime I most definitely committed. Every day, I remind myself how Talon isn’t mine. I want her. She belongs to me in a way no one else does. But she can’t ever be mine in a real way.

Because men like me shouldn’t end up with a goodhearted woman. That’s why I fell for someone so out of my league.

Men like me shouldn’t have families. That’s why Lando fell into the kiddie pool and no one noticed for an hour.

Men like me don’t get the kind of second chances enjoyed by men like Papa Bear. He survived his childhood with his heart and sanity intact. That’s why he got not one but two women to love. That’s how come he has four healthy children. That’s why he doesn’t have to love himself since no one else will.

I rarely nurse regrets. But I do spend every damn day wondering what would have happened if I claimed Talon Marsden on her eighteenth birthday rather than pretending to be a good man. A lot of things might have turned out better.

Or maybe I’d have fouled up shit anyway. There’s no going back or playing out that alternative timeline. I’ve only got whatever future is waiting for me back at the Sanctuary when I get back tomorrow.

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