Page 82 of Jester

“I want you to stay here with me.”

“That’s what I want, too.”

Giselle settles down immediately. Her earlier panic fades, leaving her worn out. We sit on the couch while the men linger nearby.

Dinner is awkward. I don’t know what to say. I feel like I shouldn’t be in Giselle’s life, yet there’s nowhere else I belong.

No, I guess that isn’t a hundred percent true. I could go with Thorn. He’s so handsome and has been really kind to me. I like the way he held me when I got upset. I also liked holding on to him on the ride here. I’d be willing to do whatever sex stuff he wanted, if I could keep him.

After dinner, he moves toward the front door. I don’t want him to go, even if he’s clearly exhausted and needs to get home. He said he lives at the Sanctuary. Is Thorn’s home close enough for me to visit? Rather than ask that question, I memorize his handsome face.

“I’ll see you at breakfast at HQ,” Thorn says when I just stare. “I eat there every morning.”

“Thank you,” I mumble, wishing he would stay.

Thorn glances back at Apex watching us. Giselle is busy with the baby. Amelia whines somewhere in the house.

“It’ll be okay,” Thorn tells me when I reach for him without thinking. He gently tugs my fingers from his wrist. “You’re safe with Giselle. The world will make more sense once you get a good night’s rest.”

“I’m afraid,” I whisper as tears burn my eyes.

“That’s normal. Last night, you thought your sister was dead. I was a stranger. This place didn’t really exist for you. Tomorrow will make more sense. I promise.”

Exhaling uneasily, I nod and force a smile. Then, I remember how Thorn said I don’t have to fake my feelings anymore. So, I drop the smile and pout.

“I’m still afraid.”

“I’m really tired. So, I’m going to crash at my place and think about you,” he says and steps back. “You can hang out with your sister and Apex and the crying baby and the crying toddler. And maybe in all that mess, you’ll think about me.”

Now, my smile is real. I watch Thorn climb on his motorcycle and ride down the street. Shutting the door, I notice Apex frowning at me. He stands next to Giselle who is bent over the bassinet changing Anna’s diapers. Apex only stops watching me when he gets distracted by Amelia.

The evening is more awkward than dinner. I don’t belong with this family. They have a routine. Amelia seems bothered by how I’m not leaving. Apex keeps glancing at me and shaking his head. Though Giselle seems exhausted, she does smile whenever our gazes meet. Yet, my presence clearly leaves them all out of sorts.

As we watch a kid’s movie, I yawn a lot in my chair and doze off more than once. I wake up to find Apex glaring at me.

Hiding behind my hair, I doze off again, exhausted after being awake for more than twenty-four hours. When I wake again, the living room is empty except for Giselle crouched next to the chair.

“It’s time for bed,” she whispers. “I brought you clothes to wear, and I fixed up the couch.”

Back at our father’s house, I had a routine every night. I got washed down by staff before waiting to see if I was favored by anyone. If not, I slept in my bed naked under a single blanket. I’ve spent my entire life cold.

I don’t want to take off my hoodie and sweatpants. I’m warm for the first time ever.

However, I don’t have the energy to explain my thinking to Giselle. I just obey when she helps me remove my clothes. I’m used to doing as I’m told.

“These are my bamboo pajamas,” she explains, still whispering. “I got them last Christmas. Can you believe they’re made out of bamboo? They’re so warm and soft.”

“I love you,” I say, tearing up. “I’m glad you can’t remember, but I miss you knowing me.”

The corners of Giselle’s mouth turn downward as she rests her hands on my shoulders. “I’m going to know you again. We’ll talk a lot. You’ll live here. I think the Sanctuary will make you happy. Thorn is very nice. Maybe you can go on a date when you feel more comfortable. And you’ll have friends and can go to classes and the park. There’s lots to do here. And we’ll do it together, so we’ll know each other in a new way.”

Wiping my eyes, I’m so tired. I rest on the comfortable couch and watch Giselle cover me with a plush blanket.

Back with our father, I was always in charge of Giselle. I kept her safe and taught her to behave. When she was bad, I got punished, too. I did everything I could to be good to ensure she never got punished for my sins.

I was the leader. It was me who told her not to cry when someone hurt her. It was me who told her what the men did to us was normal. It was me who reminded her to submit.

Then, it was me who decided we should escape. I was the one who sent her running into the night. I spent a year regretting how my baby sister died because of my choices.

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