Page 70 of Jester

TWINKLE TOES

Luca doesn’t sugarcoatthings like a lot of people at the Sanctuary. She spells out what the Dolls were used for, how my father was one of the men in charge of abusing us, and how Ghost shot him in the face. Those parts make me sad.

But she also explains my sister is sweet. Luca said Celine loved me. That she was willing to hide in the bushes just to see me. Those parts made me forget about the sad stuff.

After we hear about Celine, Apex says she can come to dinner tonight. He might only agree to make Ghost and Luca happy. Leaving our house to pick up Hope, they tell Apex how it’ll work out, but he doesn’t seem convinced.

At first, I’m nervous about being too different than I used to be. What if Celine doesn’t like me?

Then, I get panicked over how I left my sister behind. That’s when I start crying. Amelia does, too. She doesn’t understand why I’m scared. I hold my daughter until she settles down, but Apex remains on edge. He doesn’t want the past to tear me away from him.

Eventually, the house is quiet. As Amelia and Anna take their naps, I hide in my bedroom. Apex’s touch soothes me. I welcome him into my body, yet we don’t speak.

We’re lost in our fear. The last year has been a whirlwind. I don’t remember any other life. For me, Apex has always been at my side.

But Apex remembers a time when I didn’t know and love him. He’s terrified Celine will do or say something to ruin our family.

Our little foursome might seem weird to some, but I think we’re perfect. Apex feels the same way, so I expect him to be hostile when he meets Celine.

After we fuck twice and eventually get dressed, he remains sullen. Amelia and Anna can’t even help him find his calm. He just sees little girls about to lose their mom.

“I’m excited,” I tell him as I fix a simple dinner taught to me by Lady Bug. “I’ve had a hole inside me. I often felt like I was in danger. Now, I know what I was running from and how it can’t hurt me. That’s a big relief.”

As his handsome, bearded face remains pouty, Apex stands nearby in the kitchen and grunts rather than speak. Amelia looks up from her doll and mimics him. I catch a little smile on his face. She must see the same thing because she giggles and looks to me for approval.

“Daddy loves Amelia.”

The little girl instantly wants him to pick her up. With a little uncertainty, he figures out how to take her fragile body into his arms. They both look at me with such pride.

“No one can ruin what we have,” I promise them.

Amelia trusts my every word, but Apex remains uncertain. He can’t imagine a future where I’m able to face my past without breaking down.

Though I want to prove him wrong, my heart starts racing when Thorn’s motorcycle rolls up the driveway. I hurry outside with Amelia toddling behind me. Apex reaches for my shoulder as if to stop what’s about to happen.

“It’s okay,” I promise, glancing back at him. “I’m just saying hello, so she won’t be nervous.”

My words sound utterly calm, yet my teeth chatter with anxiety.

Thorn parks in the driveway. I can’t see Celine. I think maybe she hasn’t come with him. Is she angry with me?

Then, I notice arms wrapped around Thorn’s waist. My mind flashes to the first time I rode on the back of Apex’s motorcycle. The world was so new and scary, but I already trusted the large biker.

A petite, blonde woman stumbles off the back of the motorcycle. She’s wearing baggy black pants with a little bird character printed on them. Her sweatshirt has Mickey Mouse. She’s wearing clothes from HQ’s store. I got a lot of the same hand-me-downs when I first arrived.

Celine gains her bearings as she stares at Thorn climbing off his bike. I see how she can’t look away for a minute as if he alone is keeping the world from swallowing her up.

When her gaze finds me, I’m so scared. I left Celine behind. I took so long to get her help. I hate myself for leaving this young woman in a terrible place. The shame burns my chest, making it hard for me to breathe.

“Giselle?” she says like she doesn’t recognize me.

I panic, thinking maybe she isn’t my sister. Was this all a misunderstanding?

My mind swims with questions and fears. I feel faint and wobbly on my feet. I can’t bear to walk any closer to her. Instead, I consider running back inside my safe space and hiding with Apex and my girls.

---