Page 64 of His Own Heaven

Her fingers curled into his muscles, her short, practical fingernails leaving weals in his skin, and he relished the tiny bite of pain, let it focus his attention. He was punishing her, sure, teaching her a lesson, but he’d also felt the shift in their dynamic. Had seen the moment she’d given over to him, the moment she’d surrendered, when the sharp focus he always saw in her intelligent eyes blurred around the edges and she’d accepted him. Trusted him.

Completely.

It was a heady feeling, one he’d never truly felt before.

Throughout the twenty odd years he’d lived as a Dominant man, Toby had rarely taken on a submissive for more than a few sessions.

Hell, he’d rarely taken on a submissive, full stop. Mostly because he’d never fully overcome his natural shyness, and while the strong, silent stereotype worked in some situations, the ability to clearly communicate during a play session was a necessary skill. Not only for the submissive’s safety, but his own.

While he owned the ability to talk when needed, he lacked the inclination.

His perfect woman was one he was so in tune with, words became superfluous. Unneeded. Unnecessary.

But his laconic demeanour wasn’t his only issue. If Toby was being completely honest with himself, he’d admit the real reason he’d avoided forming attachments to any of the willing few who’d crossed his path, was that he feared he’d go too far.

In the heat of the moment when anything could happen, Toby had feared his own dark urges, his need to control a woman’s body, to bring her pleasure by inflicting pain, would cause more distress than it cured. Hell, he frightened people simply by walking into the room. Put a whip in his hand and a scowl on his face and he was downright terrifying.

He’d known the trust previous submissives had put in him had been tentative at best, and at the time he’d been okay with that. He hadn’t been looking for anything more, anything deeper. So he’d negotiated scenes and discussed boundaries, pushed soft limits, respected hard limits and left his subbies feeling boneless and satisfied. And when they were ready to move on—or they tried pushing for more than he was willing to give—he’d pointed them in the direction of someone more compatible.

His brief—yet ultimately disappointing encounters—had allowed him to keep his personal demons in check without messy emotions getting involved. And he’d seen it as a kindness to push the women away, to isolate them from his inner turmoil before they got it in their pretty little heads that he needed fixing.

There was nothing wrong with him or his dark desires. He’d just never found the right woman to openly share them with. Someone who shared his predilections, who revelled in his heavy handed discipline.

Until now.

Until Lucy.

Toby wanted more than just a few sessions with her. He wanted something deeper than the timidity of a temporary partner. He wanted something permanent and knew in his gut Lucy was her.

The right woman.

She had to be.

She was the only one he’d ever felt 100 percent comfortable sharing himself with. All of himself, not the watered down version he usually presented to the world. And now that he’d claimed her as his, now they were moving forward in their relationship, she needed to know Toby was in control.

Of everything.

Her body was his. Her mind was his. Her heart….

Toby mentally shook his head. Charlie was right. This wasn’t just about sex. This was so much more. He was forty-years-old for fuck’s sake and he was tired of being alone. He wanted a partner, someone he could share his life with.

Someone who didn’t share his DNA.

He knew Lucy was a strong woman, independent and sure of herself. She had insecurities, like everyone else, but she faced them head on and rose to the challenge day after day. Toby admired her for that. He knew in their day-to-day life he’d offer her support when she needed it and back off when she wanted it, even if his protective instincts screamed at him to do otherwise.

Their misunderstanding Sunday afternoon had brought home that lesson well enough, and it was a mistake he would take care not to repeat.

But outside of their day-to-day existence, Toby would take what he wanted, what he needed. And he would give Lucy the same.

He would give her everything.

Staring down at his lover, Toby felt his chest swell with those messy emotions he tried so hard to avoid. And he let them come, let them wash over him and surround him, drag him down into their murky depths, fill him up and drown him. He had no idea if he had her heart or if he even wanted it. But he knew one thing.

This was about so much more than just sex for him.

His gut tightened and his balls drew up tight. He was going to come. Taking one last look at the goddess on her knees before him, Toby drank in her expression of total submission then thanked the powers that be for putting her in his path. Then he closed his eyes, let out an almighty groan of pleasure and filled her throat with his seed.

Easing himself out of her mouth, he relaxed his grip in her hair and petted her. Stroked the long blonde strands away from her face and smiled.

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