Page 117 of Twisted Obsession

“I think anxiety. Maybe PTSD? I’m not a doctor.”

I sighed and dropped into one of the seats facing the massive, oak desk. “I can’t remember if I always hated crowds or if that’s a new thing.”

“Probably both.” Edmund took the seat next to me. “After what happened with, you know…?” At my nod, he continued, “I can’t go into clubs anymore or high places. The shrink Mom’s making me see says it’s residual trauma or something. He doesn’t know everything, at least, he doesn’t know the truth. He thinks … doesn’t matter, I guess.”

He picked at the nail on his thumb the way he used to as a kid when he was nervous.

“It wasn’t your fault,” I murmured. “None of it.”

Eyes that mirrored mine lifted to meet mine. “I should have walked away.”

I shrugged. “That didn’t stop him from following you, remember?”

He didn’t seem to have a comeback for that. His attention reverted back to his nail. The anxious picking stopped only when he bunched his fingers into fists between his knees.

“I fucked up,” he whispers as if talking to himself.

“No, you didn’t.”

He rocked his head vehemently from side to side. “I did. It was my fault.”

I laughed, recognizing nonsense when I heard it. “Look, I told you, I don’t blame you. It wasn’t you’re fault—”

“I started it.” Guilt and misery darkened his eyes when he raised them up at me. His chest rose and fell as if the rush of those words had knocked the wind out of him. “It … I went after Ivan that night.”

I struggled to maintain my calm, my temper, but more importantly, my voices when I answered, “What do you mean?”

His gaze dropped back to his hands, but I didn’t miss the tremor woven through the confession. “I was an idiot. I was drunk and I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t know who she was when I—”

“Who, who was?” I cut in.

He sighed and dropped back into his chair. “I don’t know. I met her on the dance floor and we just … clicked. I can’t explain it any other way. She was…” he trailed off a moment as if drawing on the memory and trying to put what he had in his head into words. “I can’t … I don’t even know what her name was, just that I…” he broke off, a dark stain creeping into his cheeks. “I had no idea she was there with Ivan until he stormed over to us and grabbed her. Hard. Like I heard her cry out over the music and I just … I saw red. I can’t even explain it because I’ve gone over it in my head a million times and that’s the only way to describe it. Ivan told me to back off and I knew I should have listened, but he was yanking her off the floor and she looked so scared, and I … I lost it. I went after them. I remember yelling at him to let her go. He shoved me and, well, you know the rest.” He peeked at me, expression pleading for understanding. “I’m so sorry, Darius.”

I stayed quiet. Not because I wasn’t angry — I was. I was livid —but because there was so much going on in my head that I couldn’t process anything.

“Does Mom and Dad know?” I finally managed.

Edmund shook his head. “I haven’t … you’re the only person I’ve told.”

“Why did you lie?”

His chin dropped nearly to his chest. “I was terrified, and the lie just came out and … I didn’t think you would take my place. I thought it would be me and then it was too late, and I didn’t know how to fix it.”

“Why are you telling me now?” I could hear the ripple of hurt and betrayal in my own voice and I saw my brother flinch as if struck by them.

“I don’t know.” Five, stiff fingers sliced back through inky strands. “I’ve been going over it all week since you’ve been home, going back and forth on whether or not to tell you and … I don’t want to lie to you anymore.”

I exhaled.

Part of me wanted to hit him for being such an idiot but I’d been in his shoes. Maybe not to that extent, but I would have done the same. I would have done worse if it was Kami. I couldn’t entirely fault him for protecting another person. It was the lying that infuriated me. Despite the truth, I would still have taken his place. I wouldn’t have let him see the inside of that hell, not for standing up for someone who needed him. It didn’t matter that it was some random girl in a club or that she was with Ivan, my brother, despite being younger and smaller, had gone up against someone twice his size with a laundry list of offenses to protect another person.

“Anything else?” I sighed again.

Edmund shook his head. “That’s it. I swear.”

“Well, you’re a fucking idiot,” I decided after a few more minutes of silent deliberation. “Going after Ivan Volkov was a suicide mission. You’re lucky you’re not the one dead.” I ignored the bobbing of his head, his rushed ramblings, and apologies. “I’m pissed that you lied to me.”

“I know. I’m so sorry—”

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