Page 83 of Behind the Net

I squint at them. “Yeah. I think you’re right.”

We both laugh, because we have no clue.

While we walk, we chat easily, but my mind slips back to Jamie and what we did in my bed. I can’t believe how easily things happened for me once he made me sit in his lap. That was the first time I was able to come with a guy. Maybe it was the way he felt against me, maybe it was the way he knew what he was doing, or maybe it was that exercise he did, where he asked me what I felt. Or maybe it was all of it combined.

Jamie isn’t just the hot hockey player I had a crush on in high school. He’s so much more. Under his surly, chiseled exterior, he’s kind and caring and protective. He cares more about the people in his life than about himself. He encourages me in music like no one else has. I’m becoming friends with his mom, and I love taking care of his dog.

Hesitation rises in my stomach, and my mouth twists to the side. Zach used to think I was special, but the shine wore off. I can’t bear the idea of Jamie losing interest in me like Zach did.

At just the idea of it, I feel sick. I can’t go through that again.

* * *

When we get back to Donna’s place, Jamie is already inside. I texted him earlier that we were out on a walk.

“Hi, honey,” Donna calls to him as he strides over to her, studying her face.

He scans her, worry in his eyes, and my heart twists. This is a lot for one person to deal with, and it must be tough to watch his mom struggle. He wraps her in a tight hug, and she sighs with exasperation.

“I’m completely fine,” she says. “Just ask Pippa.”

Jamie’s eyes find mine over her shoulder and he gives me a look of gratitude. I just smile and nod.

For the next half hour, Jamie hovers while Donna makes tea and I sit at the kitchen table, making conversation with her. Finally, Jamie is convinced his mom will be okay on her own, and she shoos us out the door.

The drive home is weirdly tense, and I sneak glances across the car at him. His jaw is tight. Our eyes meet.

“Thanks for tonight, Pippa,” he says, voice low and serious.

“Don’t mention it.”

He glances back at the road, looking frustrated. “I, uh. I would be so screwed without you.”

“I know.”

He huffs, amused. “Humble.”

I look at him with my eyebrows raised, smiling. “Don’t mention it. Honestly.”

He nods and turns back to the road, but tension still lingers in his expression. When we arrive home, Daisy can barely keep her eyes open as she heads upstairs. She sleeps in Jamie’s room when he isn’t traveling.

Jamie and I exchange a glance. Now that we’re alone again, I’m thinking about what we did earlier, how hot it was, how I want to do it again.

But we can’t. I know that. I can’t keep my emotions out of it the way Hazel suggested.

“About tonight,” he starts. His throat works and he rubs the back of his neck.

“I don’t think we should do it again,” I blurt out, and his eyes shoot to mine. Is that disappointment or relief? I can’t tell. “You have your mom and I have…” I trail off, shaking my head. I can’t tell him the truth.

I have a very breakable heart and a big crush on him.

“Right.” His intense gaze roams my face, studying me, and his jaw ticks again. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“No.” I shake my head. “You didn’t. It was great. Like, really great.” Okay, I’m blushing now. “I work for you and we have a good thing here.”

He nods, still watching me with that careful gaze. “Yeah. We do.”

My throat feels thick when I swallow. “Great.” I glance at the stairs. Through the giant windows of the living room, the ski-hill lights in the mountains twinkle, and I know I’m going to be staring at them for hours, replaying the entire night. “I should get to bed.”

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