“Because…” I huffed another deep breath. Shit. I was losing her. I was upsetting her, but she had to know. “He’s why I changed my mind. I was ready to come back and convince you to get your degree before I left again, but—” There was a rock in my throat.
Her gaze snapped up.
“The guy was sad, Liv.” I leaned forward, gaze locked on hers. Discomfort washed over her face and she hugged herself tighter but she had to hear this. “Sad and lonely. He was in there a lot, and always alone. He drinks a lot.” Fear twisted in my gut. “I don’t want to be like him. He hurt you by leaving and everyone paid the price. He never fixed it, never apologized and never made it better.”
When someone on a neighboring blanket glanced over, I realized how sharply I’d spoken. I didn’t care, though. Liv needed the truth.
“Liv, I never want to be Cole. I know I hurt you. I know I fucked up. I told Sadie that I was coming back, and that was because I thought you weren’t going to finish school. I was going to…” I shook my head. “I don’t know what I was going to do. I’d been thinking about you for years. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life regretting that I wasn’t good enough for you, and that I didn’t even try.”
She frowned at the picnic blanket. The sky was dim now, and more people filtered into the park, taking their seats, but the woman across from me held my full attention.
“I’m going to do everything I can to fix us, understand?”
She gave me a tiny nod, eyes still on the blanket.
“Please look at me, baby,” I whispered.
Her chest rose as she inhaled before she let it out slowly, raising her gaze to mine. She nodded again. “Okay.”
In my chest, my heart thudded. Something lifted in my chest, and it felt a lot like hope.
Her hands brushed her arms and she shivered.
“Is the poo shirt not warm enough?” I asked, cocking my head.
She grinned. “Shut up.”
I moved to standing. “I have a jacket in the car. Be right back.”
When I returned to the blanket, I took the seat directly beside her, holding out my jean jacket with the shearling collar for her to slip into.
“Thanks,” she said, pulling it around her.
“You look cute wearing my jacket.” My mouth hitched and I pictured her wearing other items of my clothing. My t-shirt. My hoodie. I imagined her waking up in my t-shirt, and me pushing the hem up with my head between her legs.
Fuck, I liked the idea of that.
Across the grass, the screen flickered to life and the movie started. Liv shifted, tucking her legs beneath her.
“You remember when we saw this movie in the theater?” I whispered to her.
She nodded at me, smiling. We had just been teenagers.
I leaned in a bit closer. “During the movie, your knee brushed mine and I got a boner.”
She choked, snort-laughing. “What?” she whispered back, grinning. “Ew. Why are you telling me this?”
I shrugged. “I had a crush on you.”
“Keep your boner story to yourself.” She shook her head but amusement lit up her eyes.
I winced. “Liv, there are lots of boner stories. Basically, anytime I was in your bedroom.”
She groaned and I laughed again.
“No,” I continued, ducking lower so my mouth was a few inches from her ear, “but during the whole movie, all I could think about was how to get you to hold my hand.”
She turned her head, giving me a side-long look. “Really?”