Page 113 of Finn Rhodes Forever

My mom glanced up with interest. “Someone to join you on hikes?”

I smiled, imagining a big dog wedged between Finn and me in our tent. “Yeah, that would be nice.”

A weird tension hovered in the air when we didn’t address the othersomeonewho’d been joining me on hikes.

“I heard you had a fun time at Sadie’s baby shower.” Her mouth twisted to the side in a smile.

I huffed a laugh, and heat spread up my neck and cheeks. My god. Everyone in town had been talking about the show, about Finn dancing for me and about us making out in front of everyone. Half the town was there, and the other half had been able to hear the noise from the community center. Miri had posted a picture of us kissing, Finn hovering over me, my hands in his hair, us surrounded by screaming people.

I couldn’t stop thinking about what we did in my apartment after.

“Um, yeah,” I told my mom, turning away to hide my smile. “I did.”

“And the whole getting-him-to-dump-you thing…?”

I chewed my lip, searching for the words.

She sighed. “I knew this would happen.”

Frustration spiked in my blood and my shoulders hitched with tension. I blinked, at a loss for words. Evelyn brought me a stick and I hauled it as far as I could before she raced to retrieve it.

“It’s new,” I said. “We’re figuring it out.”

She made a humming noise, gaze on the beach ahead of us with a wrinkle in her brow. I studied her. My mom had me at twenty, which put her at forty-nine now. Freckles splashed over her nose and cheeks. We had the same nose and face shape.

I didn’t remember much from before Joe came into our lives, but I remember her being stressed. My grandparents were still working when I was born, so they couldn’t take care of me during the day. I remember my mom scrambling for childcare, and occasionally bringing me to work with her, having me sit with crayons at the nurses’ station.

After Joe came into the picture, it was easier. He worked evenings, so he did the school pick-ups and drop-offs when she was at the hospital. Even when she wasn’t working, he was happy to take on just as much parenting. With Joe around, she finally had time for herself.

A memory appeared in my head of a birthday party. I was turning nine or ten, and Finn and I were having a joint party like always. My mom kept glancing at the side of the yard, watching.

I found out later she had been waiting for Cole, but he never showed.

On the beach, she turned to me with a sad, tense expression. “I don’t want you to go through what I did.”

“I won’t.” My throat felt tight, talking about this.

She was quiet as we walked along the beach. It was high tourist season so even on a Monday afternoon, there were people having picnics and kids making sandcastles. Seagulls hopped along, picking at things in the seaweed, and the waves crashed on the shore.

I thought about what Finn told me last month when we were camping, what my mom had said to him about dragging me down.

“He’s not Cole,” I told her quietly.

Our gazes met briefly, hers loaded with worry. She raised her eyebrows.

“Did you ever consider that it’s unfair to compare them?” I continued. “Finn and I aren’t teenagers anymore.” I swallowed, hesitating. I thought about how vehemently he had reassured me that he would never leave me, never leave our kid. “If we had a family, he wouldn’t ditch us the way Cole did.”

My mom swore under her breath. “Are we really talking about you having a baby with this guy?”

Anger rushed through my blood.This guy?“Don’t do that. Say his name,” I spat out.

“Fine. Finn. For real?”

“Yes,” I burst out, surprising myself. “Not today and not even this year but maybe one day. I don’t know.” I tucked my arms around myself as my stomach flopped around, uneasy and uncertain. The words locked up in my throat. “I don’t know anymore. Finn is different now and I might have been wrong. It isn’t fair to judge someone for the dumb shit they did when they were seventeen.”

My mom sighed out at the water, chewing her lip. “This is hard for me.”

“I know.”

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