Page 41 of One Forbidden Night In Paradise (Hot Winter Escapes)

For several seconds, every part of Jemima’s mind was narrowed in on finding words that could take the pain out of Chase’s voice and then she was unfolding her legs and moving towards him. She slid her arms around his body, feeling his grief, his loss bleed through her.

Seconds later, she felt his arms tighten around her.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered against his chest. It wasn’t enough, but it was what she was feeling and she wanted to give him her truth. That was her job as a ‘witness’ to that most private of emotions: grief.

‘I’m so sorry that happened to you.’

She heard him swallow. ‘It’s not just me it happened to. Her parents are still so devastated.’

‘And you’re there for them.’

‘And you think that makes me some kind of saint?’ He loosened his grip; his beautiful face was taut. ‘It’s the least I could do after what I let happen to their daughter.’

‘You didn’t let anything happen,’ she protested. ‘It was an accident.’

‘An accident is just what people say so that they don’t have to feel responsible.’

Except he did feel responsible. Which was why he had reacted so strongly when she had swum after that turtle. The whole experience of losing his baby and wife in short succession had made him want to save people from themselves as fervently as she wanted to save the planet. She caught his hands. ‘You weren’t responsible. How could you be? You weren’t even there.’

He was shaking his head. ‘But I should have been. I should have stopped her from driving. I should have come home but I didn’t. Even though I knew it was raining hard. And that she hadn’t been sleeping. Hadn’t been out of the house for weeks. I cut corners like those divers.’

‘You did everything you could. You took time off work. You took her to the doctor.’

‘I know, but what she wanted, what she needed was time to grieve, time to heal, only I couldn’t bear seeing her suffer so I just kept looking for solutions, trying to fix her.’

‘You were trying to help her, to look after her because you loved her.’ She felt her throat tighten as she thought about her father, about how hard it was to reach someone when they were lost in the shadows.

‘I didn’t do enough. She was my wife and I was like a bystander.’

‘Because it was happening to you too. You were in shock,’ she said gently.

‘No, you don’t understand. I didn’t see what was happening.’ The pain in his face made her want to cry. ‘When the business started to grow, I found it really difficult to fall asleep, so I got some pills to help. She’d been taking them. That’s why she’d been so drowsy. I didn’t even realise until after the autopsy.’

Her heart lurched at the guilt in his voice. Chase was right. Grief was about time passing but guilt was different. It had to be cut back by someone who knew what they were looking for like a gardener separating bindweed from morning glory.

‘People hide things when they’re hurting, Chase. And sometimes what they hide hurts them the most, hurts them more than the original pain, whatever that is. But seeing, understanding that is only possible if you’re not in pain too. And you were in pain.’

He didn’t reply but she felt some of the tension in his body soften.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said finally. ‘You shouldn’t have to be dealing with this.’

‘It’s fine. You needed to talk. I was here.’

His eyes found hers, and he reached up and stroked her face. ‘I always felt that telling someone would make it seem like I was wanting to share things, share my life, but it’s not like that with you. We have this beautiful understanding of what we are, what this is. Maybe that’s why I can talk to you, because you get it. You get that it doesn’t change anything.’

It shouldn’t hurt so much hearing him describe their relationship like that, but it did. Maybe because it was making her think about her own loss. But her pain was irrelevant right now.

Reaching up, she stroked his face. ‘One day, you’ll find someone who makes you want to change things.’

He shook his head. ‘That part of my life is over. I know what it feels like to love someone and lose them and I will never go through that again.’ He slid his hand through her hair. ‘Right now, all I want is here with you.’

It was what she wanted too, and it scared her how much she wanted it, wanted him, and she knew that she was at risk of letting it get muddled up with other feelings.

Her pulse stuttered. Who was she trying to kid? It was already muddled. She wanted more than this. More than they had agreed to, and if she didn’t act to subdue the way she felt about Chase she would be heading for another emotional disaster.

But she would deal with that later, she thought as he pulled her closer. And, closing her eyes, she arched against him hungrily.

CHAPTER EIGHT

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