Page 54 of An Heir Made In Hawaii (Hot Winter Escapes)

“I’m not sure what she wants,” he said. “I don’t know if she even knows herself. When we were in Hawaii, I saw another side of her. It was like the Anika that I saw here in Bled was muted, weighed down by all of her problems. But in Hawaii she...it was like watching her come alive.”

A slow smile spread across Helen’s face.

“You love her.”

He stared at her. “What?”

“You love her.”

Her words went round and round in his head, then settled in his heart with a brightness that he had never experienced.

“I do,” he finally said. “I love her. But how can I possibly stay with her knowing I’ll never be able to love her without restraint?”

Helen cocked her head. “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t be the man that she needs me to be. After David...” His voice trailed off as pain spasmed across his mother’s face. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have brought this up.”

“Don’t.” Helen held up a hand, took in a shuddering breath. “How many years did I not allow you to experience your own pain? How many years was I so focused on my own feelings that I failed you as a mother?”

Nicholas stared at her.

“That’s what it is, isn’t it?” she said softly. “You’re worried that when something happens, she’ll change or you’ll change and things won’t be the same. That there’s the risk of going through what your father and I did. All those years apart, all those years of us being miserable.”

Her words gave power to his deepest fears.

“Yes,” he said. “We were happy before David died, and then for so many years...we weren’t. Even now...”

“Your father and I are happy,” Helen replied softly.

“Are you? Or is that just a line you trot out for your and others’ benefit?”

He regretted the harsh words as soon as they left his mouth. But Helen didn’t back down.

“We are. There are difficult times, yes. There always will be. You can’t survive something like that without the grief popping up at random times and trying to pull you back under.” She looked out over the idyllic tableau spread beneath them and sighed. “Those years after David’s death weren’t your fault, Nicholas. It was your father’s and my fault. We should have gotten help far sooner than we did. That was our responsibility as your parents, as adults. It was something that we failed at. But it doesn’t mean that if you and Anika were ever to experience a loss that’s how you would handle it. Don’t deny yourself a life with the woman you love because of my mistakes.”

When she put it like that, it was hard to argue with her.

“What about your father and me?” Helen continued. “I know you love us, but what if something happens to us sooner than you expected? What about when something does happen? Are you going to keep us at a distance simply because of the possibility of what might happen?” Unshed tears glimmered in her eyes. “Please don’t follow your father’s and my mistakes. Learn from them and be better than we were. Be happy.”

“When you phrase it like that,” he admitted with a slight smile, “it does sound foolish. But I’m not sure if I know how to open myself up to someone.”

“I know.” Helen sighed. “I suspected you kept your father and I at a distance, too. Not,” she added as he started to speak, “that I blame you. I should have said something long ago. But I told myself I was analyzing too deeply, that you wouldn’t call or visit as much as you did if there was a problem.” Tears glinted in her eyes as she raised her chin up and looked at him. “I’m sorry, Nicholas. For all of it.” Her hand came up and rested on his cheek. “But please don’t let my mistakes take away the possibility of what you might have with this woman. It’s foolish not to allow yourself to love her as much as I think you do.”

“It is,” he agreed. “But it’s not just that.” His gaze slid back to the inn. “I’ve already made so many mistakes. I don’t know if she could trust me. It’s always been about me telling her what I think is best, always me coming at it from the angle of either wanting to buy it or wanting to take it off her hands. Wanting to help make things better.”

“I think you get that from what you experienced with your father and me. Even as a young boy, you always wanted to fix things. Admirable, if you go about it the right way. For me, I withdrew. For your father, it was easier to give you things, to take you on trips, than it was to deal with his depression.”

His stomach rolled as he thought of what he had offered Anika: the money, the gifts...and the one thing that he hadn’t. The one thing that Anika had asked for above all else, for him to open himself up to the possibility of truly loving their child.

“I’m not just saying this because I want to someday see you married and to give me grandchildren,” Helen said with another smile.

Nicholas suppressed the quick surge of guilt at his mother’s words. He would tell her eventually, but he wanted it to be a happy announcement, one that he could share with Anika by his side.

“From what little you’ve told me, son, she sounds like an amazing woman. One that you should be fighting for. I’ve never seen you this interested in anyone. For someone to do what she’s done, to run an inn single-handedly by herself after so much loss, speaks volumes to her strength and character.”

And it did, Nicholas realized with a surge of pride. He hadn’t even taken the opportunity to fully admire what Anika had accomplished.

“I need to go to her. I need to fix this.” Panic spurted inside him. “What if she doesn’t accept my apology?”

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