Page 92 of The Sound Of Forever

“Because I’m not a good person. No matter how much light you bring to my life, it’s still full of darkness. I still did something unforgivable.”

“Have you ever killed someone, committed an unforgivable crime, or worse?”He’d already told me the truth. I just hadn’t listened.

I twist around him until I’m positioned in his lap, straddling his legs, then tentatively cup his face, running my thumb gently across his cheek. “I’m here, Jesse. I’m not going anywhere.” I pause because that’s not exactly true. “I mean, I’m physically going to leave, but I’ll always return. You have my heart and I don’t want it back.”

Jesse finally smiles, and while it doesn’t completely reach his eyes, it’s breathtaking. “I love you so much, Willow. And I’ll never lie to you again.”

“Or hold back the truth.”

“Or hold back the truth,” he repeats with a laugh.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Jesse

Long-distancerelationshipssuck.Hard.You’d think I’d be too busy to notice, but oh, I notice. Especially when I have the threat of Tate constantly running through my mind. I played it down for Willow’s sake, but I honestly have no idea why he’d be so desperate to talk to her, and he won’t answer my calls.

This entire situation is messed up.

Willow and I went through this big emotional, potentially life-changing moment, and then she was gone. Back to her hometown like she’d never even been here. While I headed off in the opposite direction. Worried about her. Unable to protect her.

And it’s really fucking hard.

I’m exhausted by the time we land after our second away game, and desperate for my bed. I’m normally on a high after back-to-back wins, but as I drive home slowly, my eyes threaten to close, and I realize it’s the emotional exertion finally taking a toll on me.

What it really boils down to is that I miss Willow.

She may have said we were okay, but how can anyone possibly be okay after having a truth like that dropped on them?

I killed someone. I killed my foster dad and never even felt an ounce of remorse. I felt nothing but relief. I saw life leave his eyes, I watched as the blood drained from his body, I was there when his heart took its final beat, and I stillfeltnothing.

I may have vowed never to speak about that night… Hell, I vowed never to even think about it. But I also never expected to fall in love. It wasn’t something I sought out, and it definitely wasn’t something I deserved.

I couldn’t imagine a scenario where I’d ever need to speak my truth, unless, of course, I was caught. But since so much time had passed, it was safe to assume I’d gotten away with it. And why would anyone question it when he was known as an alcoholic… and after his death, a drug dealer.

But Willow deserved the truth. All of it.

She had to know what she was getting herself into. I couldn’t go on another day without telling her everything, even if I lost her.

And if I’m being honest with myself, I expected her to leave. Telling her now was my way of saving myself from future heartbreak, because it was inevitable. I couldn’t hide my secret forever, and it’s better to have her walk away while this is still new than when I’m ready to drop down on one knee.

I chuckle as I turn into my parking lot, laughing at the guy I’ve become. The guy that thinks about marriage. If Seth was here now, I’m pretty sure he’d be paralyzed by shock.Who am I? What has Willow done to me?

When I wake the next morning, I’m still groggy.

I have no issues getting myself in the zone before games. It’s something I’ve always been good at. But if I’ve got the day off, sleep seems to evade me, and that’s not a good place to be.

Like most mornings, I text Willow hello before spending the day catching up on my basic needs like food shopping—or at least, ordering it online—and laundry. Every time I throw a load in the machine, I tell myself I should be paying someone to do this, and then as soon as I’ve pressed start, I forget.

It’s hard to justify spending money on something I can do myself when there are so many people out there who go without.

Like the kids from the clinic.

To my surprise, Pippa actually helped me with all the minor details of my grand proclamation, and when their season started, all twenty kids had a grant available if they wanted it. Any money left over would stay with the club, to be used however they see fit.

The feeling I got when I transferred the funds was like a new kind of fulfillment. It made me consider setting up my own charity after retirement, doing this on a regular basis. With help from someone who can be the face and main point of contact, I’m happy to plan things and spend some cash, but I’d rather not deal with people.

Despite not being a busy day, I’m exhausted by the time I get to bed, and practically fall in a heap on the mattress.

---