Page 79 of The Sound Of Silence

She stops walking, and I’m pulled back from her grip. “Neither do you,” she says as I turn to face her, releasing a long breath.

“You’re right, I don’t,” I say with the smallest hint of attitude. “But we’ve had a few interactions of late and he’s always been nice, sweet even.” I’m not sure why I keep defending him. Pippa’s not Jesse.

“You’re really thinking of going out with him, aren’t you?” she asks with a smile.

No. “Maybe?” I shrug. “It’s not like the streets are swarming with options, and you know it’s been forever since I last went on a date.”

Pippa laughs at that. “That’s true. How do you cope? It’s only been a couple of weeks for me, and I’m in desperate need of a good dicking.”

“A dicking? Really?” I laugh out loud, pulling Pippa into a side hug as we start walking again.

“Yep.” She bounces her eyebrows. “Pity my fake boyfriend won’t touch me.”

“Hmmm?” I say, pretending not to be affected by her words, butshit.Does she actually like him?

The second the sound leaves my mouth, Pippa’s eyes flash to mine and she winces. “Oh shit. I’m kidding. I don’t want that at all.”

“You mean you’re not secretly pining for him?” I chuckle nervously as my insides squirm, waiting for her answer. I can’t believe I never thought of that possibility sooner.I’m an awful person.

“I can say with complete certainty that I do not have any feelings for that man, other than the platonic kind. I never have.”

I gulp down a lump in my throat, still not completely convinced. “And you don’t think those feelings might change?” I say, hoping the concern stays out of my voice.

“Willow. Jesse will never be the guy for me. I don’t have any romantic feelings toward him. Yes, I’m aware that he’s hot as fuck, so I probably would have gone there if we’d met under different circumstances, but we didn’t, and that’s it.”

While I don’t like the thought of that ever happening, the solace I feel courses through me, and I can’t stop my smile. Though I do try to hide it.

Pippa discusses Jesse in an almost brotherly way after that, and the man she describes seems different from the guy I feel like I know. The guy I may never fully understand.

An uncomfortable feeling forms in the pit of my stomach, but I ignore it and laugh again, instead allowing a sense of warmth to fill me. I’m happy they have each other. Even if it makes my feelings awkward.

“Back on the small-town thing,” Pippa asks suddenly after a moment of quiet. “Whyareyou still here? Haven’t you ever thought about escaping?”

All the time.“I wouldn't even know where to start or what to do. And you know Mom would freak out.”

Pippa’s shoulders drop as pity crosses her face. “It’s been twelve years,” she whispers, not entirely sure she wants to say the words out loud, because we never talk about it. No one talks about it. Unless it’s to tell me they’re sorry. Or to check in on me.Or break the news that they now have a granddaughter named Jade.

“It will always seem like it was yesterday to Mom. She’ll never forget.”

And I can’t remember.

I change the subject back to Pippa as we walk up my driveway, and as I suspected, she doesn’t question it. Instead, she tells me about a rumor she heard regarding her childhood nemesis. I usually wouldn’t laugh at someone else’s misfortune, but my emotions are all over the place, and I can’t be held responsible for my actions.

“Can you believe it?” she says with a snort, making me laugh even more. At this point, I think I’m laughing about my messed-up life more than Pippa’s story.

Opening the front door, I shake my head and step through the threshold, running straight into Jesse’s hard and very bare chest. Which of course makes me giggle even harder.

Why do I keep doing that?

Jesse’s hands shoot out, and he grabs my shoulders to steady me before stepping back. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again, and a look of disgust crosses his face. “Watch where you’re going,” he barks out as he steps even farther away.

“Jesse!” Pippa scolds from behind me, but I shake it off and hide my frown, the reality of our situation hitting me in the face. Quite literally as I just removed my face from his pecs.

“It’s fine. I wasn’t looking.”

I leave them arguing in the entry as I head straight to my room. And it’s not until I’ve shut the door that I realize… Jesse didn’t flinch. My face and hands were all over his bare chest, and he didn’t even react. Is that just progress stemming from the fact that he allowed me to touch him? Or is it me in general?

And more importantly, why am I still allowing myself to care?

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