Page 75 of The Sound Of Silence

Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.

What a mess? All I had to do wasnotfucking touch her and everything would have been fine. Mostly. Or maybe it wouldn’t have, but at least my conscience would have been a little bit clearer.

I came to this stupid dinner so that Willow would see Pippa and me together. So she’d believe me. But, I can’t take my eyes off her as she walks away. And I hate that this new attitude she has only makes me want her more. The confidence… the snark…it’s everything about her.

If there’s a silver lining, it’s that she appears somewhat closer to hating me, and that’s best for both of us. But dating Alex…Fuck! I want to break something. If my stupid mistake, my lack of control, sends her straight into harm’s way, I’ll never forgive myself. But telling her the truth could cause just as much damage. If not more.

Taking a moment before I go back, I stare down at the hand I had wrapped around her delicate wrist and flex my fingers.

That’s twice now I’ve reached for her, when I’d normally flinch away. What is it about her that makes me seek her out? And why the hell did it have to behertouch that I welcome? The only touch that I can tolerate. No, not tolerate. It’s more than that. Icraveit.

I’m not going to lie to myself and say I was completely comfortable with everything we did together last night… but I wanted to be. I wanted to kiss her, hold her, fuck her bare. Only I have no idea how I’ll physically react to any of those things, but I can’t imagine it’ll be good.

When I get back to the table, Willow’s only just taking a seat, and no one notices me entering.

“Honestly, Willow. I haven’t seen this attitude from you since before—”

“Not now, Mom,” Pippa cuts her off, smiling in my direction. “Let’s just move on and enjoy dessert.”

I smile as I take a seat, nodding at Pippa’s dad when he looks my way.

On the outside, I’m calm, but inside I’m completely rattled.

Before?Fuck.

Willow doesn’t say a word for the rest of the night. And after finishing her dessert in record time, she makes an excuse to leave, opting to walk home alone rather than wait another few minutes for me and Pippa to go with her. And I’m actually relieved by that.

We say our goodbyes, and like always, Pippa grabs my hand as we go, making me suck in a breath so I don’t react. We walk peacefully for a few minutes until she pulls me to a stop.

“I know I joked about you having a crush on Willow, but I need to know… Is your issue with Alex a jealousy thing, or should we actually be worried?”

Dammit.

Deep down, I knew this conversation was coming, but I was kind of hoping she’d just trust me without asking.

“Look, I don’t know him personally, but I don’t trust the guys he associates with. I wouldn’t want Willow or anyone to be caught up in that. And there’s something about him. I just haven’t figured out exactly what.”Could be the fact that he told me heknowsthings.

I purposely avoid confirming or denying the jealousy part of her question, partly because I’m in denial about it to myself. But if she notices, she says nothing.

“Do you mean Tate?” she asks, after considering my reasoning. “He’s an asshole but he’s harmless.”

“He’s a lot of things, Pippa, but harmless isn’t one of them.”

Pippa sighs. “I still can’t believe you know him. I’d love to hear that story.”

“I’d prefer not to talk about it.”So please don’t ask questions.

Pippa pauses with her lips pursed, and I wait.

“She seems so… determined,” Pippa says after a beat, moving on from my past with Tate, taking away some of my stress. “We usually talk about stuff like that. Actually…” She trails off and huffs out an incredulous sigh. “We don’t. It’s me that talks to her about it. She’s never really mentioned a guy. Even when I ask. But I don’t want to fight with her. How do we make her see reason?”

From her wistful tone, I’m going to guess this is the first time she’s really reflected on her relationship with Willow. And when she looks up at me as though expecting me to have all the right answers, I’m even more convinced.

She won’t like my response though. In reality,wewon’t do anything.Ineed to back the fuck away from this. “I’m sure you’ll think of something,” I say, and genuinely hope that she does, because… “Either that, or she’ll realize it on her own.”

First thing the next morning, I pay a visit to themayor's office to find out the truth about the bridge. This town runs on hearsay, and I need something a little more concrete.

The receptionist behind the counter confirms Pippa was mostly right. The plan is to have it drivable on Saturday at the latest. Just in time for my charity event Sunday.

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