Page 57 of The Sound Of Silence

“I’m going to watch a movie with Mom,” she says, waving her phone toward me. “A proper goodbye this time. She asked if you want to come?”

I almost glance at Jesse while I decide but hold myself back. Something tells me he wants me to say yes, and I should, but I’m not in the mood for more lectures from my Mom, especially after today.

“No, that’s okay,” I say with a smile. “I’m going to have an early night. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

Worry flashes across Pippa’s face, but I wave her off. “Do you want me to stay?” she asks, making me smile.

“Are you going to rock me to sleep?” I joke to avoid talking about my feelings.

“No, but… you know what I mean.”

“I do. And I promise, I’m fine.”Although I wouldn’t mind finishing our conversation.

Pippa nods, and when I look Jesse's way, he’s a little white.

“If you’re sure, then I’ll head off,” Pippa says, and I know she’d genuinely stay if I asked her to, but I don’t. “I’ll be home around midnight, so if you’re awake, maybe we could go for a walk and talk?”It’s like she read my mind.

I manage to nod, before Jesse mumbles, “Fucking Sanders sisters and their midnight escapes,” sending both Pippa and me into a fit of giggles.

After she’s eaten the rest of my leftovers, Pippa heads off, waving goodbye with Jesse following her out. He says something about heading to the bar for a drink, and I don’t blame him. I don’t really want to be alone with him either, though it still stings a little.

I try to watch TV for a while, but I can’t stay still; there’s too much built-up energy running through me. It’s dark, it’s late, and I have Jesse’s grumpy words running through my head, but I ignore all of that and head out for a jog.

As soon as I take off, the air seeps into my lungs, instantly relaxing me. But it’s not enough. Pushing myself more than I have in a long time, I gradually increase my speed until I’m hitting my limits, my movement taking all of my focus.

As I turn toward the lower mountains, the looming peaks above me shadow my path, making my heart clench, just as it always does. I concentrate on the soil beneath my shoes, the rocks I need to dodge, and the feel of the breeze rushing through my hair, but I barely keep it together before heading back toward town.

If I could force myself to climb higher, I know I’d get a much better workout, but no matter how hard I try, I'm locked to these lower hills. Although, maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

I run my usual five-mile loop, and by the time I’m back at my front steps, I’m a mess. With my hands crossed behind my head, I walk up and down the street a few times until my breathing returns to normal, or something that closely resembles normal, before falling in a heap. Apparently still not over everything I’ve been trying to run from.

It’s another few minutes before I snap myself out of it, and when I finally enter the house, it’s empty, something that I’d previously come to take for granted.

“Hello!” I call out just in case, and wait a moment for a response. Nothing.Thank God.

After kicking off my shoes, I pull my sweat-soaked running top over my head before rolling my leggings down my thighs. Sports bra and panties come next and then, like always, I dump it all into the laundry sink and head straight for the shower.

As I walk through the house completely naked, I can’t help but smirk. Though I’ve done this a million times before, it suddenly feels forbidden. Knowing that Jesse could walk in at any moment and see me like this—seeall of me—gives me a thrill I wasn’t prepared for. I kind of want to push him a little. See if he’ll admit the truth. But I know the answer.

With my mind still whirring after the shower, I decide there’s only one course of action. So after throwing on my old bikini and a tee, I grab a towel and make my way out to the hot tub, praying it will help me relax.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Jesse

Thedullroarofthe chatter calms me as I drop onto the bar stool and wait for the server to take my order. But the second I let myself think, a million images race through my mind, sending me spiraling. There’s no rhyme or reason to my thoughts and yet they somehow all lead me back to the same topic. Willow.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her since our moment in the diner. Actually, if I’m being completely honest, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her since I first saw her again, and it’s making life difficult.

I’ve never really been a big drinker, but suddenly I’m spending extra time in a bar and just struggling on a basic level.What am I doing?I need to keep a clear head. Ineedto snap out of it. I’m stronger than this. I don’tdofeelings… anymore. And if it was anyone else I wouldn’t be having feelings now. It’s just so fucking hard to stay away from her.

The bartender makes his way over and knocks on the counter in front of me. “What will it be?” he asks with a soft grin, and what should be simple feels like a loaded question. Five minutes ago I would have asked for their most exclusive whiskey, but now…

“I’ll take a burger and water, thanks.”

I eat my dinner and welcome question after question about hockey and the players in the league, enjoying the distraction. I may be seen as an asshole at times—mainly because I avoid the media and anything other than my actual job—but I’m generally happy to talk about it, as long as it doesn’t get personal.It always gets personal.

After discussing my thoughts on our chances of securing the cup for the fifth time tonight, I’m at my limit. And ten p.m. seems like a safe time to head back considering Willow was having an early night.

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