Page 33 of The Sound Of Silence

“For those of you that don’t know me… Hi, I’m Jesse, and to sum up my life… I play hockey. For those of you that do, you’re probably wondering what the hell I’m doing right now considering Ihatepublic speaking. The thing is, I don’t hate it. I just hate being the center of attention. And the media. Mostly I hate the media. But please don’t tell them I used the H word; it gives them a complex.”

The room erupts in laughter before he continues on, and I hang on his every word, watching as he inspires everyone in the room while always referring back to my dad. Making sure everyone knows why he’s here.

He talks with confidence, passion, humor, and a genuine warmth that I wasn’t even sure he was capable of. Especially when he opens up about his past, making my heart break for him.

“I grew up in the foster system,” he says before taking a sip of water. “I was lucky to have found a few families along the way that nurtured my talent. But there were times I thought I’d have to give it all up.”

His voice wavers as he speaks of that time in his life, but it’s so subtle, I’d wager that no one else noticed it. Except maybe Pippa. Though when I look her way, her bright smile would suggest that she didn’t.

He doesn't spend too long talking about his personal life, but he says enough for his next points to hit home. When he talks about his drive, we know he pushed himself to his limits. When he talks about believing in yourself, we get it, because he’s experienced times when he was the only one that did. And when he talks about stepping back and assessing your goals, I feel like he’s talking directly to me. To my soul. Because God knows I don’t do that. And I should.

He finishes up with a joke, and it’s safe to say he’s won the hearts of everyone in front of him, even those that support rival teams.

Like Dad, he gets a standing ovation with Pippa cheering the loudest. I have the strongest desire to run to him, to shower him in praise, but instead, I quietly support him from the sidelines.

The dance party starts up again while he walks off the stage, and the guests at my table all get up. I know I should move, but I’m still stuck on Jesse, struggling to look away. And because of that, I see the way his body sags the moment he steps out of the limelight. That wasn’t easy for him. While it was obvious he’s done that speech a million times before, with the effortless way he delivered it, it’s clearly a struggle for him. And I have to wonder how much of his past affects him.

Do we have something in common?

I don’t rush off right away like I thought I would after talking to Dad. Instead, I stare at the plethora of bodies, watching as they all dance to their own beat while listening to the same song. The more I watch, the more I envy them—to be so carefree, even if it’s just at this moment. To be able to forget everything in their world but the here and now. Tolive.

To not have the weight of the past threatening to crush them.

I want that. But it’s been so long that I think it’s safe to say that’s not an option for me anymore.

“Are you ready to leave?” Pippa asks, cutting into my vision and breaking my thoughts. “Or have you decided to stay?”

“She’s leaving,” Jesse huffs out as he joins our side, sliding his jacket over his shoulders, his eyes never even glancing my way.

Pippa’s face scrunches in confusion, but I don't give her the chance to speak before I rush to agree. “He’s right, I’m leaving.”

I follow behind, watching as Pippa and Jesse walk ahead, noticing the way his hand hovers at her lower back without ever actually touching her.

I know that means something, but since I’m almost certain I’m never going to find out, I force myself to look away, my gaze locking with Alex from across the room.

A feeling of unease takes over me, only subsiding when his lips pull up into a genuine smile, and I have to hold back my confusion until I walk outside, breaking our connection.

Jesse may be an asshole, but he’s clearly worried about Alex, and while I can’t see what he sees, for some stupid reason, I trust that he’s looking out for me.

I just pray that I’m right.

Chapter Fifteen

Jesse

Icanstillfeelher skin beneath my hands. The way it set me on fire, burning my fingers so harshly that I don’t think even time will erase the scars.

I hate the human connection. Skin to skin contact makes my body itch and my chest constrict to uncomfortable levels. Willow’s touch, though, sent a spark through me I’ve never felt before. I wanted more. I wanted it all. But fuck, that’s so much worse. She’s already my nightmare; I can’t let her turn into my weakness too.

Being around her is dangerous, and yet, I’m drawn to her like a moth to a flame. I know the risks. I know exactly what will happen if she remembers, but I can’t seem to stop myself from getting just that little bit closer. Wanting to take a chance. Risk it all.

Seeing her dancing with that fucker had a rage simmering inside me I haven’t felt for years, not since that day. But instead of walking away, instead of removing myself from the problem—a problem that shouldn’t be mine—I went to her.I. Fucking. Went. To. Her.And God, was that a mistake.

Even now, as I lie awake, I can’t get her out of my head. Which I guess makes sense since I’m in her goddamn house.

For twelve years I’ve made sensible decisions.What the hell am I doing now?The dinner’s over, Pippa’s done her bit, and I’ve done mine. I should be leaving. But something tells me I won’t. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve turned into some kind of masochist, putting myself through the torture I so strongly deserve. Or is it her? And if it is her… how do I make it stop?

How do I control myself, so I’m not thinking about the way she felt pressed against me? Or the rise and fall of her chest as I whispered into her ear. Or the touch of her fingers on the back of my neck.

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