Page 112 of The Sound Of Silence

“You don’t need to know the details,” I say, cutting her off before she asks me directly. “But I’m good. Mostly. At least, I will be. Can we change the subject to you?”

“What about me?”

“Ah, Ryan?”

Pippa smiles. “I agreed to try again. He promised not to fuck it up this time.”

“And you actually want a relationship? Because him turning up here suggests thathedoes.”

“Yeah, I think I do.”

She’s silent for a beat before a small laugh escapes her. “Mom’s right, you know.”

Huh? My eyes flash to hers as I involuntarily frown. “About what?”

“You’ve really changed this week. You’re more like the feisty Willow I remember from when we were kids. The rebellious teen. The girl who…” she trails off, and while I’m ninety-nine percent certain that what she was going to say would pain me, a little part of me still wants to ask. Only she continues before I have the chance.

“Unlike Mom, I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I kind of like it.” She bumps her shoulder to mine and shrugs while my mind spirals. I smile but only my mouth takes part; it doesn’t reach my eyes. I’m well aware of the woman Jesse brought out of me, and the contrast to the woman I was before he arrived, but I’m still not entirely sure that’s me. In fact, I’m positive it’s not. I just haven’t figured out whoIam.

“Have you talked about what happens next?” Pippa asks, nodding her head toward Jesse through the window.

“Nothing can happen until he breaks up with his girlfriend,” I joke, smiling when Pippa bursts out laughing.

“Maybe you can help me plan that. I think you’ve earned that much.”

“That could be fun.” I shrug, and while my smile remains, an uncomfortable feeling settles in my stomach. What I would give to have met Jesse at a different time.

The front door slams open, putting an end to our conversation when Ryan comes inside. Relief courses through me. I don’t want to talk about Jesse with anyone, except Jesse. We haven’t even figured out what’s going on or why the hell we feel this irrevocable pull toward each other. Or maybe Jesse has and I’m the only one that needs to catch up.

“Jesse’s going to drop me off at my truck on his way out of town,” Ryan tells Pippa as he wraps his arms around her waist. “I’ll be back in thirty.” He presses a chaste kiss to her lips and she nods, holding back her smile.

Pippa and Ryan discuss the possibility of his truck not being there, but I tune out the conversation, with all my available brain space focused on the man who just walked in the door.

Lost in thought, Jesse runs a hand through his messy hair before securing a cap in place. His tight fitted tee molds to his body while his sweat pants hang low on his hips. I nervously nibble at my bottom lip as a shot of desire runs through me, my mind drifting back to last night. Thinking about the way he possessed my body and controlled me, but also the way he let go. The way he opened himself up and allowed me to see him. God, I’d give anything to be back there, or to at least know if we’ll ever be there again.

And then there’s his smile.

Revealing his playful side threw me for a loop, but God, was it perfect. Everything about last night was perfect. I don’t even care that he snuck out because he came back. And waking up in the arms of Jesse Hastings is something I’ll treasure for the rest of my life and maybe even beyond that.

With his hands in his pockets, Jesse comes to a stop in front of me, his gaze full of uncertainty. “I’m all packed,” he says, lifting his shoulders into a slight shrug.What does one say in this kind of situation?

I nod and gather my strength. “You better get on the road if you want to make it home at a decent hour,” I state plainly, my voice void of emotions.

Jesse nods in return and grabs an apple from the bowl on the counter. “Pippa, I’ll see you back at the stadium. Ryan, you’ve got two minutes and then I’m leaving.”

He’s out the door after that, and my heart clenches until he holds it wide open, tilting his head for me to follow.

My chest warms and I don’t waste any time, desperate for one last moment alone, for a proper goodbye.

As I step out into the blaring sun, a thought hits me and I can’t help but smile. I didn’t run this morning. I didn’t chase the sunrise, and yet, I still had my new beginning. I’ve got to hold on to that. This may be goodbye for now, but I have to believe it’s not the end.

When I catch up to Jesse, his eyes flash to my neighbor watching us from her yard, and my positive mood shifts. Tears prick the back of my eyes, but I bite down onto the flesh of my cheek, hoping to stave them off. Maybe it’s for the best. Goodbyes are hard, and really, what did I think would happen out here? Of course we were going to have an audience. I can’t believe I thought otherwise.

“I hate this,” I whisper when we reach Pippa’s car, my fingers itching to touch him.

“I know,” he says, not giving away any of his feelings, but when my eyes meet his, he’s saying everything in his expression.

The front door opens and Ryan steps out, waving to Pippa as he goes. This is it. Whatever we say now is our goodbye.

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