Page 60 of The Sound Of Silence

What an odd thing to say.“Isn’t every second like that? No matter where you are? Every second is a second closer to dying.”

He laughs but it’s somewhat incredulous. “Yeah, only being here feels like it’s speeding up the process.”

I have no idea what he means by that, but he looks so torn up about it that I’m terrified to ask. Could he mean me? That I’m the reason he feels closer to death?No, that’s absurd, right?

“Why didn’t you go with Pippa?” I ask, changing the subject, moving to a less depressing topic. Although one that may very well be just as dangerous if he finds out I’m pushing his buttons on purpose.

“She didn’t ask me.” Jesse shrugs, and my eyes follow the movement.

“Why?" I rush out, unable to let it go.

He lays his head back on the rim of the tub and releases a slow breath as his eyes fall shut, allowing me uninterrupted time to stare at him.“I have no idea,” he says after a long pause. “I’m not her keeper.”

“No, but youareher boyfriend… right?”

The last part of my question hangs in the air, and I swear the temperature gets hotter. I promised Pippa I wouldn’t ask him about it. But I can’t stop myself. Because if he says yes, it’ll break me to think he’s still lying, even though he’s here.But if he says no…

Jesse’s eyes remain closed as his arms spread out, gripping the edge of the tub beside him. His chest rises above the surface, drawing my attention to his taut body and the script tattoo above his heart. My eyes lock on the water pooling in the ridges of his abs before following a drop that escapes, slowly gliding toward his navel and the solid V that dips beneath the bubbles.

I swallow a lump in my throat as my body prickles with heat, a nervous energy consuming me.

I shouldn't be staring like this, but since I'm unable to take my eyes off him, I watch as he dips lower into the water, only stopping when his shoulders break the surface. One of his knees gently brushes mine, sending an electric current through me, andI’m so wrapped up in the way he’s making me feel that it takes a moment too long for me to realize his pained expression as his entire body goes rigid.

“Fuck, I shouldn’t be here,” he rasps, standing abruptly and leaping from the hot tub in one swift movement. The water falls from his body, and I internally beg my eyes to look away, but they disobey the direct order and instead glide over every inch of his exposed skin only stopping when I come a distinct bulge in his shorts.Is that for me?

My stomach twists in knots as I gnaw on my bottom lip, working it between my teeth until I’m certain I’ll bleed. Everything about this moment is new to me. I’ve been attracted to guys. My body has reacted to guys. But this is like a carnal urge mixed with soul-shattering feelings, and I’m terrified of what it means.

I don’t know how much time passes as I assault Jesse with my eyes, and I’m so lost in the contours of his muscles and the sharp lines of his chest that I don’t even realize he’s stopped toweling himself off until a pained growl rips from his throat as he turns around to escape my gaze.

“Jesus Christ,Willow. You can’t look at me like that.”

His words break me from my trance, and my body heats with embarrassment. This time it’s me closing my eyes and sinking into the water, going deeper until I’m completely submerged. Deciding it’s best to stay here until I’m positive that he’s gone.

I barely get a second of respite before the water ripples around me and I’m yanked to the surface. My eyes flash open at the same time I’m dumped on the bench seat. “What the fuck are you doing?”Jesse snaps.

“I’m hiding,” I snap back. “You should have walked away.”

“Yeah, I really should have but I thought you’d slipped.”

“What?”

“Who goes under the water in a hot tub?No one.For fuck’s sake.”

He sits down directly opposite me and runs his hands down his face, mumbling about how often I need saving.

I want to yell at him. To tell him to fuck off. But I’m too exhausted to fight, and I don’t really understand why hekeeps wanting to fight me.

He stays silent for a minute, lost in his own torment, and I wonder if I should be the one walking away. But after another beat, he looks up at me with dark eyes and so much anguish that my heart hurts.If it’s fake, why does he look so broken?

“What are you doing to me, Willow?” he croaks out, barely above a whisper. “You’re slowly tearing me apart, but I can’t stay away. I’m not even sure I’ll be able to leave you here and go back to my previous existence, never knowing whether or not you’re okay.”

There’s so much to unpack from his words, but the first that comes to mind is, “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

Jesse’s Adam’s apple bobs, my question clearly affecting him, but he shakes his head. “No reason. You’re right. I should go.”

He lifts himself out of the water again but stops with one foot still on the step. Waiting for something. And while I’m ninety-nine percent certain that something isn’t supposed to come from me, I take a deep breath anyway and whisper the word, “Stay.”

I have a strong feeling that if he leaves right now, I’ll never see him again.

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