Page 152 of Games of Death and Desire

But she’d be wrong about Ivy. Because I know as I gaze back at her, with a certainty that stretches right down the center of me, that all the desire and devotion, the aching and the burn, add up to one word.

Love.

I love her, like I’ve never loved anyone. Like I had no concept was even possible.

Maybe I shouldn’t indulge in the emotion. Maybe it’s the selfishness Laselle talked about.

But love is Ardone’s highest purpose. This feeling is her blessing.

Nothing could be more honorable to the divine powers I serve.

And if I have to get down in the dirt or spill blood to defend that love, I know with every fiber of my being that I won’t hesitate.

Forty-One

Ivy

Idon’t know what any of the salts and oils are meant to do, so I simply open the bottles and sniff until I find a scent I like. Then I sprinkle the powder liberally into the running water of the bath.

The resulting foam intensifies the soothing herbal smell. I strip off the rest of my clothes and climb into the massive tub.

As I sink into the hot, fizzing water, a long sigh escapes my lips. It’s echoed by the voice in my head.

If there’s one thing I miss, it’s enjoying a good soak.

The corners of my lips quirk upward, although a twinge of uncertainty ripples through my gut at the same time. Julita hasn’t said much since we returned from the initiation ceremony. I’m not sure how she’s feeling right now.

I keep my tone light. “Have I not been bathing to your noble standards?”

She chuckles.It isn’t as if you’ve had time to indulge in a longer wash all that often. And when you have—

Julita stops, probably not wanting to touch on exactly what I’ve been getting up to during my extended baths. The twinge inside me deepens to an ache.

I pick up the cloth I left on the side of the tub and start to rub the lingering grit and sweat from my skin. “Well, if there’s any particular oil you’d appreciate or soap you’d prefer, now’s the time to tell me.”

No, what you’ve chosen is just fine.

There’s a sense of reverse to her tone that I’m not used to—not so much as if she’s restraining herself but simply subdued. I guess she might be tired too.

I don’t push. I massage the soap into my hair, unable to stop a shiver of delight at remembering Casimir’s lithe fingers performing the same act, and dunk my head several times to rinse it. Then I work in some of the cream that’s supposed to add silkiness and shine to the strands, just for the luxury of it.

The middle-ward bathhouses I had access to before never supplied anything that frivolous.

Once I’ve rinsed the cream out too, I sit on the ledge at one side of the tub and absorb the silky heat of the water. The scent floods my lungs. Even the scars on my back seem to soften.

Thisisa luxury. But I can’t totally relax into the indulgence when I’m aware of the presence at the back of my skull, shifting here and there with thoughts she isn’t sharing.

“You’ve been quiet today,” I say finally.

Oh, I’ve simply had a lot to mull over. And there hasn’t been much for me to contribute anyway.

My throat tightens. “You know, I’m sorry about what happened with Stavros, after I told you— I think we were both still half asleep, and I got caught up in the moment— I shouldn’t—”

It’s all right,Julita breaks in.If you wanted that, I shouldn’t be stopping you from getting caught up. I… You’ve had to change how you’re living an awful lot because I barged into your head, haven’t you.

It’s not a question, but I feel compelled to answer anyway. “You didn’t force me to come to the college. I made the choice.”

I mean, you haven’t had any privacy. You’ve constantly had to consider me as well as yourself. I know you were used to getting by on your own, so to have a stranger watching your every move, interrupting your thoughts with mine whenever I spoke up…

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