Page 18 of Games of Death and Desire

I smile awkwardly and sink into the chair even though it’s still a couple of paces from the desk. “I’ve had a lot of practice at keeping my power under control. I swear to you, no matter how much it hurt, I kept my grip on it.”

I can tell Alek’s eyebrows have drawn together just above the holes in his mask. “It hurt, stopping yourself from using it?”

A startled laugh spills from my lips before I can catch it. He hasn’t putthosepieces together.

“Yes, it hurt,” I say. “Starting about a year ago, I started feeling as if the magic was lashing out at me from the inside when I refused it. More and more, the more I resisted. You’re the one who found me when I collapsed in the library—you saw how I was after King Konram’s visit to the college. I wouldn’t have put myself through that agony only to let a little sorcery slip out some other time.”

Oh. I always wondered—Julita shudders.Gods above, Ivy, that power of yours really is a monster. It was vicious even to you.

I suppress a wince at the thought of all the times I lied to her about the pain I was in.

Alek’s mouth has dropped open, but it’s a moment before he manages to speak. “That—that wasn’t an attack from Anya or anyone else? That was your own magic hurting you?”

I guess I didn’t make that aspect clear with my explanation before.

I find myself yanking my gaze away from the shock in his bright brown eyes. “Yeah. The power acts up worse when I’m in danger but shut it down anyway. And I’ve felt more in danger here than I did in my old life. In the library—I was scared of the guard, that he’d realize what I am. And then having the king right in front of me… I saw him just a few weeks ago talking about how wonderful it was that so many riven had been executed.”

“And your magic thought you should strike out at him first?”

I shrug. “It thought I should dosomething. Shove them away, run for cover, disguise myself—anything to stop them from seeing me at all, from having any chance of arresting me.”

“But you didn’t. So your magic—” Alek’s voice roughens. “Ivy, you were coughing up blood. It was literally tearing into you.”

I aim a tight smile at him. “I know. But that was better than letting it hurt someone else.”

For a few seconds, he simply stares at me. Then he scoots forward on his chair so he can reach my hand where it’s clenched on my knee.

Alek’s slim fingers slide around my own with a reassuring squeeze. The tenderness of the gesture makes my breath catch.

“I always knew you were strong,” he says quietly. “But you’re so much stronger than I even saw. I’m sorry I wasn’t giving you credit for that.”

My innards have completely tangled. “You didn’t know. I’m sorry I lied to you about it, though I imagine you can see why. And I’m sure you had plenty of your own concerns to focus on.”

Alek lets out a wry scoffing sound. “I once thought I had it hard being a devoted scholar in a family of weapons mongers and soldiers. I’d take all the derision and disappointment ten times over before trading it for what you’ve had to deal with your whole life.”

I cock my head. “You said you were the son of a merchant.”

“A merchant whose specialty was all things warfare, including when it came to his two other children. The idea of someone preferring to spend their time with books rather than swords was absolutely ridiculous to all of them.”

My next smile comes a little easier. “Well, I’m glad you pursued your passion anyway—that you’re here to help us tackle the scourge sorcerers. And fill me in on all the things I need to know. And—thank you for keeping my secret. I know it’s a lot to ask.”

Something shifts in Alek’s penetrating gaze that I don’t know how to read. “It isn’t. It shouldn’t have been at all.” His grip on my hand tightens. “Is it still hurting you—your magic?”

I think of the other night when Stavros had his sword pointed at me. “Nowhere near as badly as before. I think the fact that I released it in the tower has mollified it for the moment.”

“If it gets serious again, you have to tell us.Beforeyou get to the point where you’re writhing in agony. All right?”

Yes,Julita pipes up.Listen to Alek. He always knows what he’s talking about.

I don’t see that there’s anything we could do to fix the problem, but if anyone could figure it out, I suppose it’s Alek. And it doesn’t cost me anything to agree. “All right.”

He hesitates as if he might say something more. Then he gives himself a little shake and turns back to the desk, his hand slipping from mine with a beckoning gesture. “Come right over. We should get through all of this material before the others show up.”

As I tug my chair next to his, Alek fans out a sheaf of papers. “I dug up everything I could on the entomology club’s membership and activities. There are currently sixteen active members by the most recent record. It seems that for their off-campus excursions, they split up the group. So as not to be too intrusive on the wildlife, supposedly. Half of the members go sometimes, the other half the rest of the time.”

Julita hums.I’d be keeping an eye on whoever Wendos was associating with.

I was just thinking the same thing. I motion to the papers. “Do we know who was in the group that Wendos was usually traveling with?”

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