I cross my arms over my chest and tap my foot on the floor as I wait for her to reach the ICU, and I lean in slightly to eavesdrop when she starts talking. "Hi, I'm calling about Kylie Sterling...she has a visitor. Oh, she's been moved to recovery? Great. Which room? Fantastic. I'll send her up."
"She's okay?" I ask.
"She's okay," the receptionist confirms. "Head up to the sixth floor; you'll need to stop at the desk and get a visitor's badge. They'll tell you where to go."
"Can you tell me anything else about what's going on?" I ask.
She gives me a kind—but apologetic—smile. "I can't divulge any medical information, but they should be able to fill you in. I let them know you're on your way up."
My head is spinning with what could be going on...and it suddenly occurs to me that Kylie may have had a miscarriage.
That my baby sibling might be gone before it even arrived.
I bite my lip.
What if that's what happened...and it was while we were fighting? What if she could tell I hated her?
The elevator door opens and I practically sprint to the desk to check in, then I go through all the same information I just did downstairs. It feels like none of this is moving fast enough; I just want to see Kylie. I get my badge quickly, though, and then I'm heading toward Kylie's hospital room.
My dad is standing outside, and he catches sight of me when I'm still halfway down the hall. Without hesitating, he walks toward me—and in a matter of seconds, he's giving me a fierce hug. I squeeze him hard, and I'm shocked when I feel his shoulders shake.
He's...he's crying.
I've never seen my dad crying, and it makes me cry, too.
"Is she okay?" I ask, terrified of what I'm going to hear.
"Yeah, she's fine."
"And the baby?"
"The baby is okay," my dad says, pulling back and raking his fingers through his hair. It's messy like he's been tugging on it non-stop. "It was just... fucking scary."
"What happened?" I ask. "I thought she was healthy...this is so unexpected."
"The doctor said this happens sometimes," he says. "It had something to do with the placenta? I'm not sure of the term exactly, but she was bleeding, and it scared the hell out of both of us—"
I hug him again, and he stops talking. "It's okay, Dad. You don't have to explain. It's going to be okay."
We stand there in silence for a moment, still clinging to each other as we process what just happened. For the first time in a long time, I feel like my dad and I are on the same page. We both care about Kylie, and we both want what's best for her. It's like everything else fades away for a moment as we hold each other up.
Finally, my dad pulls back and takes a deep breath. "She's resting now if you want to go in and see her. Just...don't wake her up for now. She's barely gotten a wink of sleep all night."
I nod and take a deep breath before heading into the room. Kylie is propped up on pillows, looking pale, my dad at my back.
And that's when the dam breaks, and I start to cry.
Because I've never seen her like this...pale, broken, and hurt. I bite my lip so hard that it bleeds, and I taste copper before my dad reaches out and squeezes my shoulder.
"I know," he says, his voice tired.
"She's really okay?" I ask quietly.
"The doctor said she'll be just fine with a bit of bed rest," he says. "And the baby is healthy. These things just...they just happen. Especially when the baby's father is older."
I glance back at him, and I can sense at that moment that he feels responsible. It's confirmed when he averts his eyes, drawing back toward the door.
"I hate myself for doing this to her," he says.