Page 9 of Always Mine

Hell no, not even a little.I can’t.I open my mouth to tell her no, knowing I won’t put myself through that because I’m not ready.

Only, when I see what looks like hope taking over her face, I can’t make myself do it. I suddenly feel awful. This isn’t just about Wyatt, it’s about my whole family. So despite the fact that I want to tuck and run, I suck it up and pray for the best.

Summoning every bit of strength I can muster, I seal my fate with my next words. “Okay, Ma. I’ll come home.”

THREE

Wyatt

Cooper wasn’t there to see my reaction at Red’s the night of Pax’s accident, but I’m sure he’s heard about it. Small town and all, no one knows how to keep their mouths closed around here. If you have a secret, then you better not share it with anyone, because if you do, everyone will know about it in a day.

He hasn’t asked me though, which means he either doesn’t care or he’s pretending like he doesn’t. Either way, I still feel bad. We may not officially be together, but Cooper has done so much for me over the last three years. The biggest thing was that he picked up my multiple broken pieces and glued them back together the best he could. He was there for me. If it wasn’t for him, I don’t think I’d have come as far as I have. So the thought of hurting him by my reaction to Paxton guts me. He doesn’t deserve that.

I smile back at him, putting the pie in the fridge, and then lean back against the counter. “So, dinner? Did you have anything in mind?”

He comes to rest beside me, nudging me with his arm playfully. “I had several thoughts, but you look exhausted. Why don’t we order pizza and watch a movie instead?”

My body is moving before I even realize it, and I engulf him in a bear hug. “You’re too good to me.” My words are muffled by the fabric of his shirt and I pull back, repeating my words to verify he heard me.

His cheeks are slightly flushed and he gives me a one-shouldered shrug. “Eh, it’s not a big deal. The only thing I need to know is… would you rather have meat lovers or supreme?”

My smile blooms when I take a step back, because hello, meat lovers? “I’m tempted to make a dirty joke,” I tease, unable to stop myself.

He snorts, pulling out his phone and looking me over. “You wouldn’t be Wyatt if you didn’t.”

“I mean, meat lovers… I’m a gay man, the joke possibilities are endless.”

“Sometimes I wonder what’s going on inside your head.” He chuckles, glancing down at his phone. I know he didn’t mean it the way I took it, and my stomach drops like a lead weight because if Cooper could read my thoughts then he’d know how much I was thinking about Paxton lately. “So, meat lovers then?” He’s still looking at his phone, ordering the pizza, and I’m honestly grateful he missed my brain spiral.

“Yeah,” I mutter, clearing my suddenly dry throat. “That’s good.”

He nods, tapping away before finally looking up at me with a big smile spreading across his lips. “If you want to go pick out a movie, I’ll head over to Buck’s and grab the pizza.”

I melt a little. Why does he have to be so perfect? If it wasn’t for the fact that I was emotionally switched off from all relationships, I’d have officially made him mine years ago. He’s the perfect boyfriend. “Sounds good.”

“I’m in the mood for something scary.” He winks, knowing well and good that I don’t like scary movies, before grabbing his wallet and keys off the counter.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” My voice is teasing as I try to hide the inner battle I’m having with myself.

Then he’s leaving, and I plop down on his couch, burying my face into a throw pillow and releasing a silent scream.

Damn it, Paxton, go away! Stop fucking up my head and heart.

FOUR

Paxton

My knee bounces anxiously as I stare out the car window, watching the trees whiz by. Every minute that brings me closer to Hixley makes me feel even sicker. It’s illogical but I have this idea in my head that Wyatt will be waiting for me at the county line, prepared to run me off with a pitchfork.

I’m also flooded with so much self-doubt. What if I don’t fit here anymore? My anxiety over Wyatt is making me think no one wants me here. I mean, three years is a long time, and all these people were moving on with their lives, just like I was.

“Your quietness speaks volumes, you know?” Ma tells me from the backseat. My dad picked us up from the airport, and even though I was happy to see him, the three-hour car ride has been filled with minimal conversation and the country music playing through the truck speakers.

“I’m tired.” Which isn’t a lie. I haven’t slept well since the accident, and when Ma suggested we go home three days ago, my racing mind has not stopped once.

“Well, we’ll be home soon. You can rest once you’re there.”

I nod, thankful that my dad isn’t trying to have a deep conversation right now. Unlike my ma, who wants to see all the thoughts in my head. She thinks pushing me to talk is going to make it easier somehow, but not talking is my way of safeguarding myself. If I don’t talk about it, it’s not happening—that's what I tell myself anyway.

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