Page 65 of Always Mine

I slide my arms under his back and flip us so I’m lying with him splayed across my chest. Then I rub circles on his back, trying to calm him. He lets out a little sob and the sound guts me. He’s been taking this really tough and the closer we get to my leaving, the harder everything is becoming.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” I whisper, pressing soothing kisses to his forehead.

He shakes his head, fisting the fabric of my shirt as he tries to calm down. Then he grumbles, sitting up and swiping his face. “It’s not your fault. I’m being a big baby.”

I sit up too, hating every second of this. I really wanted to be closer to home for college and was scouted by a few different ones, but California,ultimately, was the best decision, no matter how much I wish it wasn’t.

He’s sitting across from me in the bed of my dad’s old Chevy, legs drawn up to his chest with a faraway look in his eyes. He looks so unhappy and I hate that it’s my fault. I slide forward, trapping his legs with mine and resting my arms across our knees. He blinks, focusing on my eyes and giving me a little smile. “Hi.”

“Hi.” I lean in to smack a kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry I made you sad.”

“You didn’t. I made myself sad.” He chuckles, shifting slightly to lean back against the truck. I move my legs to give him more room before sliding to sit beside him. “I mean, I know it’s coming, but there is the random time where I forget, you know?”

I do know because it happens to me sometimes too. For a brief second, I convince myself that we’ll have this every day. It happens at the most random of times like when we had breakfast earlier today or when he turned up our favorite song on the radio on the drive here.

Then it all comes crashing back.

I’m leaving and he’s staying.

“And that was one of those times?” I clarify.

He lifts one shoulder, trying to appear unbothered. “It was.”

“I’m sorry.” I reach for his hand, interlacing our fingers. “I didn’t mean to ruin our moment.”

He squeezes my hand back, thumb gliding over my skin as he tries to reassure me. “Don’t be. I’m fine.”

He’s not fine, and neither am I, but what can we do?

We sit in silence, looking up at the night sky, and I try to picture what my world is going to look like in a matter of months… or better yet, what I’ll be missing. Between my family, my friends, and my guy, I’m literally leaving my entire heart behind to chase my dream.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it.

Sometimes I wonder if he would ever…

No, I could never drag him away from his life. I could never ask him to be a trophy boyfriend and find something to occupy his time in California just so I can come home to him. I could never live with myself if he regretted the decision.

I peek at Wyatt out of the corner of my eye and try to engrave this moment in my memory. I want to look back on this and remember the way his eyes lit up as he watched the stars, and how his lips moved when he mouthed the lyrics to Kane Brown’s new song.

“You’re staring,” he mutters, twisting to look at me.

“I’m admiring.”

His lip kicks up on one side and he shakes his head, turning back to look at the sky. “One of these days you’re going to get tired of looking at me.”

“Keep dreaming.” I could look at him for the rest of my life and never get tired of it.

“I’m just saying, I’ll get old and worn down eventually. Won’t be nearly as handsome,” he teases. “You’ll be a famous NFL guy with a scraggly-looking cowboy boyfriend. What will the people think?”

My heart melts at the thought. “That sounds like the perfect dream, but you messed up one little detail.”

“What’s that?”

Leaning toward him, I bring us closer, stopping when our lips are a breath apart. “You won’t be my scraggly cowboy boyfriend.”

His brow lifts, eyes sliding from my lips back up to my eyes. “Handsome cowboy boyfriend?”

“Nope,” I mutter, getting even closer. “Sexy cowboy husband.” Then I’m sealing my lips over his.

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