Page 29 of Always Mine

“It’s Paxton, Ember. You know how hard this is.” My voice cracks, flooding me with embarrassment. Why the hell am I about to cry? He doesn’t deserve any more of my tears.

“I do, and that’s exactly why I’m not letting you wallow anymore.” She sighs, heading toward me and putting her hands on my shoulders. “It took so long for you to simply beokay. To pick yourself up, dust off the dirt, and let him go, but you did. You’re finally smiling again, happy even, and I’ll be damned if I let him walk back in and set back all the progress you’ve made.”

“It feels like l’m already slipping. Just seeing him… I can’t describe it. I always thought if I saw him again, I would be able to fake it. Plaster on a smile and pretend that I’m not bothered, but when it actually happened, I froze. Then Cooper had to step in again because I couldn’t function. I mean, it’s humiliating. I keep showing my hand. No matter how hard I try, my emotions are impossible to control when it comes to him.” I rub a fist into my watering eyes, refusing to cry over this asshole again.

Because he was my life. Paxton was my everything. From the moment we were kids to the very moment he broke me, he’s been the keeper of my heart. For my entire life, Paxton was the catalyst for everything I've ever felt. The joy and pain. Without him, I had to learn what it meant to be myself. I thought I was there, but now...

“You were taken off guard, I think everyone was. He hasn’t been back in years, you couldn’t have expected he’d randomly show up. You reacted accordingly to the situation. Honestly, if you hadn’t been bothered I’d have been more concerned than I am now. I know you loved him, hell, you still do. He’s Paxton. Your entire childhood, adolescence, every memory and first you’ve ever had is wrapped around him.”

I chomp down on my lip, not wanting to get wrapped in those details. Memory lane is a dangerous avenue and the thought of walking down there fills me with anxiety and dread. There’s a box in my head that I keep padlocked because I know there’s no way I could handle it busting open.

“It’s too much,” I whisper, needing her to understand. “I don’t want to do this.”

“I know you don’t, but you need to.” She gives my shoulders a squeeze. “Now, go shower, pick out your best-fitting blue jeans, and make him regret the day he left.” Then she’s spinning me, somehow tearing the blankets out of my death hold, and pushing me toward my bathroom.

Fuck, no.

I grab the doorframe and glare at her over my shoulder. I don’t understand how she’s so strong. “Ember—”

“We don’t have time to argue. We need to leave in….” She tilts her wrist, checking the time. “Forty minutes. Now, hurry up and take a shower.”

What the fuck are we doing in forty minutes?

She lets go of me and grabs a towel from my hall closet, shoving it in my arms before pushing past me into the bathroom and flipping on the shower.

“Ember—”

“I’m going to pick out your clothes,” she cuts me off, basically ignoring me.

She’s lost her mind by not telling me her plans, and I’m about to lose mine also if she doesn’t chill out. “Ember—”

“Hurry up!” she commands, clapping her hands together and stopping me again. Then she’s gone, and I’m still not even sure what the hell we’re about to do.

ELEVEN

Paxton

The bright yellow and orange banner plastered against the front of the gazebo brings back a lot of nostalgia, and I look to my left and then right, half expecting Wyatt to be there. This was always one of our favorite things growing up.

“Looking for someone?” Lily taunts, nudging me with her boney elbow. We had a long talk after the incident at Red’s. Ultimately, I forgave her, but I made her swear she wouldn’t try and meddle like that again.

Obviously, it’s not stopping her teasing though.

I roll my eyes, not at all surprised that she caught my momentary slip. It’s been a long week of trying to wrap my head around being here again. I still don’t even know if I really have yet or if I ever will.

“I’m not looking for anyone, but I am starting to feel claustrophobic. Why are you standing so close?” I grumble, knocking her arm away.

It’s not completely a lie. It’s like the entire town’s population is here, pressed together like a can of sardines in this tiny square of grass in the middle of town center while the Mayor welcomes us to the ninety-eighth annual Fall Harvest.

“Whatever you say,” she sasses before turning to say something to Miles.

I eye them, noting the way they lean into one another and the wide smiles spreading across their faces as they whisper back-and-forth. I wonder what’s going on between them. I’d ask, but there are too many ears around right now. I don’t know a whole lot about Hunter’s little brother considering our age gap, but he’s always been a good kid.

The clapping of hands pulls me back to the present, and I quickly clap along, not wanting to be rude. Everyone breaks apart a second later and music begins to pour through the speakers as the festival starts.

I do a quick sweep, still not seeing Wyatt, and frown. He wouldn’t miss this because of me, would he?

“He’ll be here,” Ma says, as if reading my mind. “He’s coming with Ember.”

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