Page 126 of The Sadist and the Brat

“He told me what you heard,” he told her. “I want to know what you were thinking when you heard it.”

“I don’t know what I thought. That’s not a cop out,” she hurried to add when his eyes narrowed. “At first I was just pissed at Joel, for being such a jerk. And Sam was shushing me so he could hear better, but the water was running and we couldn’t hear anything. And when it shut off, that’s when Joel said that thing about transferring ownership of me over to him.”

She swallowed. “And you said, ‘absolutely’.”

“Did you think I meant it?”

She hesitated, gathering her courage. “Now it seems ridiculous, but I did then.”

“Why?”

She licked her lips. This was the hard part. “Because the collar didn’t mean anything to you.”

Surprise flared in his eyes. “What?”

“I didn’t really expect it to mean what it usually means,” she said, the words tumbling over themselves as she rushed to get them out. “It was fine that it didn’t. But I thought it would meansomething.”

“It did,” he murmured, but she was still talking.

“You said it would be appropriate,” she reminded him. “Because we were going to the party together. Basic protocol. It felt like, I don’t know, like a box to check.”

He surged to his feet and paced to the window, staring out into the bright winter sunlight, and she rushed to finish.

“So, when you said ‘absolutely’, and your voice got the way it does when you’re trying not to laugh out loud…” She trailed off, taking a moment to screw up her courage. “I knew I’d overreacted, even when Sam was driving me home, but I couldn’t stop. I think I’d been quietly freaking out for a while, and I used what happened as an excuse to finally do it out loud.”

He turned to look at her, backlit by the sun. “Freaking out about what?”

She waved a hand helplessly. “You. Me. Us. I don’t know what you want from me.”

“You don’t know what I want?” he echoed.

“You’ve never told me,” she said simply, and wished she could see his eyes. But the sun at his back cast his face in shadow.

“No, I never did,” he murmured, and scrubbed a hand over his face. “It looks like I owe you an apology, too.”

“Huh?”

He shoved his hands into his pockets. “If I said I’d wanted you to wear my collar to the party last night as a symbol that we were together, in a committed relationship, what would you have said?”

“I would have been…surprised.”

“Surprised, or spooked?”

The lie was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. “Spooked,” she admitted.

“I shouldn’t have asked you to wear it.” He dragged both hands through his hair. “You’re not ready, and I guess when it comes down to it, neither am I.”

She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

“The reason you don’t know what I want—the reason I haven’t told you—is because I was afraid if I did, you’d bolt.” He angled his head. “Was I wrong?”

“I don’t know.” She licked her lips. “I guess it depends on what you want.”

“I’m in love with you.”

The air whooshed out of her lungs, leaving her feeling lightheaded and giddy.And yes, fucking terrified.“I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Well, that’s reassuring.”

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